A Seemingly Endless Ocean
by abitofananomaly1
Summary: This fic picks up after the events of The Last Jedi. Despite closing the literal door on Kylo Ren, the bond between them persists. This story explores where they go from here. Prepare for a bit of a slow burn as our co-protangonists face the future and each other. This is my first fan fic, be gentle!
1. Chapter 1

Since Crait, Rey had been doing everything she could to stay busy. This kept her from having to deal all of the bottled emotions that, when released, she was sure would drown her. Rage. Guilt. Perhaps a tinge of regret. Uncertainty. Fear.

Reuniting with Finn, her first friend, was a rare moment of joy. He had survived. Though only days had passed, Finn had much to tell her. This was, of course, tarnished by the condition of Finn's brave new companion, Rose. Rey was grateful for the heroism of the small figured woman who had yet to wake. She didn't think she could handle everything that she was facing without Finn. She couldn't let her mind think of it.

Keeping her mind and her body busy was easy enough at first because there was plenty of work to be done in the immediate aftermath of the battle. When General Organa gave the order to bunker down on Dantooine, Rey detected with the smallest smirk twitch on her lips. Dantoonine was the site of a long abandoned Rebel base. There was plenty of work to be done as they set up camp and took care of their own. Talk of the future would come, but it was now time to lick their wounds.

Keeping her mind busy was also the only way that she could keep Be- no- Supreme Leader Kylo Ren's form from appearing in front of her. However, whatever this thing between them was strong, born by the Force. The occasional disjointed thought would sometimes cross the bond. His stronger emotions would sometimes lap at her mind like the ocean laps at the shore. On more than one occasion, she almost felt him pulling on her mind as though they were attached by a string.

She had been tempted to let him through, but what was there to say now? They had made their choices. She was angry with him, but even more angry that she understood his choice. Joining her would mean relinquishing some of the power and standing that he thought defined him, gave him purpose. She didn't have time to make him understand in the throne room. She didn't know just how blind he was until that moment. The General said that she has lost hope that her son could be saved. Perhaps it was time for her to do the same.

Rey had sensed that something had been off with the General since Crait. At first, she assumed that she was just weary and uncertain. They all were. Finn had relayed to her what happened on the Raddus, including the injuries sustained by their leader. To the rest of the Resistance, their leader was recovering from a series of massive blows. But, Rey was sure there was something else. Rey picked up on the little ways that she would delegate to others, or how she would impart her knowledge with a tad more urgency and frequency than normal.

Months after Crait, Rey was staying busy, working on restoring a long abandoned aircraft when she felt Leia's spirit leave her body. She dropped everything and ran to The General's quarters to find her. Leia Organa had passed during a rare moment of rest. Rey called out for help desperately, though she knew that there was nothing to be done.

The ensuing commotion was enough to shatter the vessel that had contained her emotions. Rey ran. She ran out of their base and into the forest without thinking about where her legs were taking her. Leia Organa, the last hope for the resistance, was dead.

Rey saw white spots in her vision. She needed to stop and breathe. She collapsed at the bottom of an impossibly massive tree and screamed out her pain. She put her head between her knees and began to sob.

 _Ben…_

Without thinking, she pulled the string that tied their minds.


	2. Chapter 2

That name.

The new Supreme Leader had been throttling a training droid when he heard that name cross into this consciousness.

 _Rey…?_

He shook his head, trying to shake the connection. All of the feelings that he thought he had buried related to that… scavenger began bubbling up. Rejection. Longing. Fear. Anger. He closed his eyes and clenched his gloved fists tightly. Suddenly, he smelled earth and wood.

"I would rather not do this," he hissed, eyes still closed.

"I- I would rather not either." she shot back, trying to steady her voice.

He opened his eyes at the crack in her voice, his anger faltering. Rey was curled into a ball. She looked impossibly small for such a powerful being. She wasn't looking at him, but her emotions washed over him like a tidal wave nonetheless, taking his breath. He slipped to his knees, "I feel it too."

His voice was barely a whisper. His words took her back to the interrogation room where she first heard those words from his lips- the first time they had been in each other's heads. He had spoken truths about her there that she was sure he understood. She was so angry with him then. She still was, but so much had transpired.

She mustered up the courage to meet his impossibly dark eyes. His expression was guarded, but almost tender. Her anger softened and her admonishment dissolved from her thoughts, "I'm so sorry, Ben."

His expression hardened and his anger was remembered. "I'm sure you are!" he sneered, rising to his feet and stepping towards her.

The pain of his rejection, his anger towards her, hit Rey in the chest like a blaster shot. He didn't know.

"What don't I know, scavenger? That you refused to stand by my side to create something new after we fought together, saved each other? We both know that we were meant to stand together. You felt it too. Yet, you ran from it!" he shouted, now standing over her.

Fresh tears slid down her face from her impossibly warm eyes. He clenched his jaw. He felt the nagging need to destroy something.

" _No... Your mother… she's dead, Ben."_ Rey said to his mind, unable to speak the words.

He drew in a breath and turned away from Rey. "Liar," he whispered, though he knew that she wasn't. He had felt a strange pang earlier in the day, but he ignored it, assuming that it was the call of the light trying to break through again. Now, complex emotions of his own ran through his head. She should have been dead to him for years after she handed him over to Luke. Maker, he nearly killed her during the assault of the Raddus. But he didn't. He hesitated. Suddenly, the darkness inside of him somehow seemed like it was suffocating him.

" _She held out hope, Ben… I know that there's still light in you…"_

"Do. Not. Use. Her. To. Manipulate. Me." He spat, walking away from her.

She drew in a sharp breath, "Like you did with my parentage?" she shouted at him through tears. "I loved her, Ben. I fought with her and for her. She was your mother, I-"

"SILENCE!" he yelled, spinning of his heel to face her. His mind was racing and his rage was building. He wanted to fight Rey and crush her to his chest all at once. It was dizzying.

"We understand each other, you know.", she said very quietly. Her voice was like a balm for his tortured soul, but they had made their choices in the throne room.

He did, but he couldn't bear to be in her presence any more. She started to reach for a gloved hand when he willed her to disappear from his training room. After unleashing his turmoil on every training droid in the room, the Supreme Leader slid to the ground and allowed a few tears to run down his face.

He had slipped out of her view, but she could still feel him. His torment. She imagined that he had probably destroyed something. That's the only way he had ever learned to cope. Lashing out. Causing pain. She should hate him, but she can't.

After a while, the tears dry. With a sigh, Rey straightens up to meditate. She needs to calm herself before heading back to base. Their leader is dead. Is the hope of the Resistance dead with it? Had she not lost enough? Her eyes sting at the thought of what she has to face, but she collects herself. She slows her breathing, and within a few moments, her mind is flying above the trees of this lush, green planet that they are hiding in. So different from what she knew on Jakku….

She doesn't know how much time has passed when she feels a hand on her shoulder. She snaps out of her meditation and instinctively takes a defensive stance.

"Woah, Rey! It's us!"

Finn, Poe, and BB-8 had been sent to find her. They all look a little worse for wear. Her body relaxes. BB-8 beeps quietly with concern.

"Sorry," she says, a little awkwardly, looking down. "I needed to get away and collect myself."

"The General is dead." Poe says bluntly.

"I know."

"So, knowing that, you took off to relax in the forest, eh? Might want to rethink your approach to these things." Poe retorts dryly.

"C'mon, man. This has been a rough day for all of us. A rough few months." Finn interjects quickly, looking at Rey with concern. "Let's just go back to camp."

BB-8 beeps in agreement, and the group begins their trek.

It was dark by the time they made it back to base. It was eerily quiet, like the first night they spent here. Finn walked her to her quarters. "It was decided that Leia will be buried tomorrow. They discussed a Jedi funeral, but the smoke would make it too risky…" Finn told her softly. "I have to tell you, Rey, your absence was noted."

"I'm sorry. I just needed to be alone."

"Things haven't been easy for any of us. Please don't try to take everything on by yourself, okay?"

She hugged her friend tightly. She knew that he couldn't fully understand. "Okay, Finn. Are you going to see Rose?" Finn's face got warm against her cheek. She chuckled at that as she released him. "She'll wake up soon. Thank you for coming to find me. Try to get some rest tonight."

"Yeah, yeah. You too. Tomorrow will be a long day."

Rey laid in her bunk. Desperate for sleep, she imagined flying over a huge ocean with a tiny island interrupting the endless blue. That always helped her when she was on Jakku. If only she had known that that would mean. So much had changed, so much had been lost... A little wave of sadness waved over her and she didn't fight it.

 _Rey…_

She almost smiled at his transmission as she succumbed to her exhaustion.

Across several galaxies, the Supreme Leader of the First Order laid in his bed. Not that he would likely find rest tonight. Again, he felt like he was being torn apart somewhere deep within. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on his breathing. Suddenly, he was floating above a vast ocean with a tiny island breaking through the great blue abyss. He had seen this before, of course.

 _Rey…_


	3. Chapter 3

After Princess Leia has been laid to rest, the remaining rebel forces sat for a meal together. This planet was rich in natural resources, including game and edible plants. Though there was plenty to eat, much of the meal would go untouched. The ragged group ate in solemn quiet, whispering to each other about memories of their beloved leader and friend. Rey and Finn sat together in a corner of the galley, feeling a little out of place. Many of those who were left had been initially recruited by the general. Most of them had been serving with her- for her- for years and years.

It was easy to forget that they hadn't been with the resistance for very long at all. So much had happened to Finn and Rey. They had grown to love Leia during their time with the resistance. She has served as a fiery, motherly figure for the two of them. They were both new at the whole "family" thing- and a lot of other things- but she had brought them into the fold nonetheless. She had been the embodiment of bravery, hope, and grit.

"I wonder who will lead us now." Rey wondered aloud.

Finn sighed, "Those are some massive shoes to fill." He was quiet for a moment. "What about you, Rey?"

She looked at him a little incredulously, shaking her head. "No way."

"Why? Give me three reasons you wouldn't be good for this. With your Jedi voodoo, you could bring some hope back to this place. To the galaxies that are under The Order's boot."

"I can give you more than three. Have you forgotten that I was plucked out of the desert just months ago? Before that, Jakku and scavenging were all I knew. I can name maybe 10 planets, and I learned about 4 of those since you found me. I don't know anything about strategy. I just know how to fight. I'm not sophisticated. I barely know how to make friends, let alone allies. To the galaxy, I'm a nobody. Shall I continue?"

Finn considered her words, "A lot of that is true, but things can be learned"

"Are you going to teach me? If I remember correctly, you were dropped into this new world at around the same time that I was."

Finn tilted his head and lifted his hands in defeat to that point. "I'm just saying, a lot can be said for hope. A lot of this sorry group felt that when they saw you lift those rocks into the air with your Jedi moves on the Crait."

Rey snorted at that, remembering some wisdom that had been recently bestowed on her, "There's more to "Jedi moves" than lifting rocks. Besides, I have no one to train me. I'm on my own without a teacher."

"Okay, okay, okay. Maybe you shouldn't be THE leader. Not that anyone will be able to replace the general, but you can still be a leader, right?"

Rey sighed and shrugged in defeat. All of this was a lot for a scavenger girl who had only made her first friend a few months ago. Being responsible for herself was hard enough sometimes. That said, she HAD seen the way that the weary fighters looked at her during their escape from the salt planet. Hope was an important piece of the future, but Rey knew that hope was not a save-all.

"What about Poe?" Finn asked, breaking the silence.

Rey found Dameron Poe across the room, reminiscing with some of the other pilots with a sad smile. He had taken Leia's death poorly. They had been close and Leia had certainly tried to groom him for leadership. He was a smooth talker, but he could definitely be a smart ass too. He might do well as a diplomat if he could keep the snark in check. Everyone knew that he was one hell of a pilot. A true hero, but brash and impulsive. Those traits reminded her a bit of Kylo…

"Rey?"

Rey blinked. "Yeah, he might do okay. He'd need help though. He can be a little..."

"Yeah, he can be a little rough around the edges, but he's devoted to the cause," Finn replied. "I heard some of them saying they want to have a meeting about next steps in a week or so. Gotta give appropriate time to mourn…"

"Right."

"I'm going to go check on Rose now if that's okay," Finn said a little sheepishly, getting up from the table. "Oh, and Rey? You're not nobody to me."

As Finn turned away, Rey's eyebrows rose in surprise. She wasn't expecting to hear words paraphrased from a desperate Kylo Ren.

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren sat- a bit stiffly- on his newly claimed throne. Hux stood at beneath him looking both annoyed and uncomfortable as he gave a status report to his new superior. Kylo Ren was hardly listening. He was not in the mood to hear the barely contained impatience in Hux's voice as he went on about the continued search for the last of the rebellion and the continuation of other initiatives put into place by the late Snoke.

"I do wonder if you have any insight as to where, exactly, in the Universe, we might be looking for the resistance scum, Supreme Leader?" Hux asked, seeming pained.

"I trust that my general is up to the challenge without my needing to manage his every direction, or are you not competent enough? Surely there is another within our ranks who would be able to rise to the challenge if cannot, General Hux."

Hux realized that this was a threat. The new Supreme Leader was certainly dangerous and deadly, but he was no Snoke. Hux thought he looked tired, weak. What direction would this- this ill-tempered adolescent take The Order in? The Knights of Ren didn't even have a place in the formal hierarchy of The First Order. How dare he take control? It should be him acting as the Supreme Leader, not this selfish, self-appointed…

"Enough." Kylo bellowed, hearing his thoughts. "That's enough for today, Hux. Next time you ask for my time; I expect to hear that some progress has been made. Also, take care to mind your thoughts, General. You are not as indispensable as you fancy yourself to be"

"Yes, Supreme Leader", Hux responded curtly as Kylo Ren force-pushed him out the door.

Finally alone, Kylo Ren sighed, ran a hand through this dark hair, and relaxed his posture a little bit. Hux had been… not wrong… to question his direction. He had dreamed of a new order; no Jedi, no Sith, something entirely new. Now that he had the position to do that, he was a bit lost. It enraged him. Jedi, Sith- light, dark, that's all that he had ever known. He had hoped that the girl would be able to help him… He yelled out and slammed his tightened fists of the arms of the throne.

"Gods, what the hell!"

Rey stood before him, wide-eyed and startled.

"Why are you here?" he sneered.

"I don't know. I wasn't trying to… I can't always control this thing." She stammered, shaking off her surprise.

"Sorry to startle you." He said sarcastically. "Next time make yourself known."

"I didn't notice you right away either," she said dryly.

"Focused on something interesting?"

"Perhaps…"

"Care to enlighten me?"

"I'd rather not."

There was an awkward pause. She took him in for a second. He looked so tired, lost even. She was sure that, if he were to look at her, he would see the same thing. What sick fate was it that the two people who understood each other the most were on the opposite sides of a war.

 _"Not much of a war anymore."_ He said into her mind sidely.

His face softened as he looked at her, despite his tone. "Where are you?" he asked.

Her face hardened again, "You know I won't tell you that."

"I know you won't. For now at least." He said a bit darkly. "I could smell earth and wood when we last met like this."

For a moment, she panicked.

"There are plenty of planets that have earth and wood, Rey.", he said with a touch of amusement in his voice. "I suppose that it is new to you though."

"It is.", she said, relaxing a bit. "I'm in my bunk on The Falcon, if you must know."

That damned ship. Still, it was incredible to him how fate had somehow made her find the old ship. Imaging her there was strange, but somehow fitting. Before Luke took him away, he remembered playing with Han Solo on that ship when he was home with him and… his mother. The smell of leather, fuel, and Wookie filled his nose for a moment. A memory more than his perception of Rey's surroundings.

"We buried her today, Ben.", she said quietly.

"I figured as much.", he responded softly. "That must be quite a blow for you and your resistance."

"Indeed.", she responded, eyes down-cast. He noticed that her fists were balled up and a corner of his mouth twitched upwards. Was that his influence affecting her? Or was this something all her own?

"Where are you, Ben?"

 _That's not my name._

"Yeah, well, that's who you are to me. I don't care to be in the head of Kylo Ren."

He rolled his eyes, "I'm in the throne room."

She looked into his eyes. The air suddenly was heavy and hot as they both relived what had transpired there like a vision. The emotions crashed over them like it was happening for the first time. Surprise. Harmony. Pain. Triumph. Warmth. Hope. Disappointment. His eyes turned glossy but cold.

She looked away, "That's interesting."

"What part, exactly?" he barked, anger rising.

"That not what I… the vision thing that just happened was… but not what I'm thinking." She shakes her head and crosses her arms. He thoughts are too jumbled for him to read, still reeling from the memory of the last time they saw each other.

 _"I'm not nobody."_ , she was finally able to articulate over the bond.

He stood from the throne and stepped towards her. "I know that.", he said softly.

"You said that I was.", she said accusingly.

"Not to me!", he said defensively.

She locked eyes with him and pushed the memory of Finn's words into his head. Kylo Ren initially was blinded with anger at the traitor, and something else he couldn't quite place. His wild eyes met her hard ones, and something clicked.

"Rey, no, I'm not… not very talented at expressing that kind of thing.", he sighs, trying desperately to find the right words. "You come from parents who were insignificant. They selfishly tossed you aside."

Her eyes stung with tears, though she blinked them back. "This is supposed to be helping?" she hissed.

He steps closer to her, struggling to find the words for once in his life, "Try to understand. My heritage is… well known. Sometimes I feel crushed under its weight.", he explained, his own admission surprising him. "People know me. My- family. My legacy. They don't yet know of you. But I do. I _know_ you. I've seen how strong, how relentless, how powerful you are- how powerful you can become. You are most decidedly somebody on your own, in spite of your parents. Especially to me. The universe has just not had the opportunity to see you like I have. In the moment I-"

"Okay, Ben. Don't hurt yourself."

They are standing just a foot from one another now. He's looming over her, trying to convey sincerity through his eyes. Her eyes soften to him and mouth curls up slightly and she chuckles very lightly. For a man with such eloquence, he doesn't know how to convey a compliment very well. The sound of her chuckle surprises him and causes a quick flash of light to enter his brain.

"Would you have stayed if we had more time to talk?" he says so softly she's not sure if it's coming from his lips or from his mind.

She frowns, her sad, conflicted eyes burning into his. "I couldn't let my friends die, Ben." She lifts her hand as though to touch his arm comfortingly, but she disappears from view before making contact.

Thanks to those who are reading! I know this chapter was longer than the others. I'm setting some things up that will be getting in motion in the next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

The remaining members of the resistance gathered in the galley for a meeting. Next steps needed to be discussed. Moral was at an all-time low, and there was talk of returning home among some of the fighters. At least, for those who had something to go back to. The fire that had burned so brightly in this group when Rey first joined them, was barely a glimmer.

The meeting was called to order by none other than Commander Dameron Poe. A few sympathetic governments on planets of the outer rim had been able to send funds to support the rebuild of their spacecraft and fuel, but it looked like those might have been one-time installments. Commander Poe and another pilot had been able to obtain some fuel pods by stealing them from a First Order drilling site on a nearby planet or asteroid or something. There was some back and forth about getting more funds, brainstorming about potentially sympathetic governments, places that might be easy to steal from, etcetera. Rey struggled to stay awake for most of that discussion. She hadn't done much sleeping since she last was face-to-face with Kylo Ren. She didn't know enough to contribute anyway.

The issue of leadership was brought up before long. Commanders Poe and D'Acy were the highest ranking surviving officials. Much of the leadership had nobly died during the assault on the Raddus. Since Poe had been a Captain prior to being demoted by Leia, he would be given the role of General. D'Acy would be the second in command.

"Will D'Acy then be responsible for keeping Poe's heroics to a minimum?" a Mon Calamarian fighter asked.

There was a commotion then. Resistance members murmuring and arguing. Poe clenched a fist and dropped his head. They didn't have many opportunities to take down a dreadnaught. Perhaps he made a mistake, but would any of them be alive if they had failed to take it down? Then there was the whole attempted mutiny issue. Rey exchanged a look with Finn. Neither of them knew how to handle the sudden unrest.

"His heroics keep the resistance emblem in the knowledge of people throughout the galaxy. We need his branding if there is hope of our movement surviving!" Lt. Connix exclaimed.

"I want to know what the Jedi thinks. She is our true key to survival!", yet another fighter exclaimed.

Of course, all eyes were on Rey. She felt herself flushing. "I have no rank in the resistance, and I'm no Jedi." There was more commotion at that. "I can move rocks and things, but I didn't finish my training…" she trailed off for a moment. "The issue at hand is leadership. I'm just a girl from Jakku. I don't know much about these things. By rank, Poe should rise to general. If Poe believes himself capable, he should lead."

There was more unrest there. Gods, she was terrible at this. She locked eyes with Finn, who nodded in encouragement. "We are supposed to be the sparks of hope that set fire to the galaxy, right? Poe does well to embody that. He is fiery. He's not perfect. Perhaps he could use some polish, but the great thing about this resistance is that we are a team. We do not blindly take orders from a tyrant. We work together, we hold each other to our mission, and we build each other up. You all give me hope."

Poe met her eyes and gave a nod of gratitude. Her approval seemed to placate the crowd for now. She just hoped that Poe would not prove her wrong. She excused herself after that, feeling rather unnerved by her first public speaking engagement.

Rey had finally been looking into the Jedi texts, desperately trying to resume training. Luke had told her that the books contained ancient scriptures, lost Jedi wisdom, and abilities, but she also found logs from Jedi Masters, including a journal that belonged to Luke (though she didn't think she was ready for his words again, just yet). Her reading ability made her studies very slow. She had learned to read very basically with a few of the other abandoned children of Jakku, but that was years ago. She found that she was mostly able to understand the more modern texts, but the older ones were like reading another language altogether.

What she had so far been able to understand was… disappointing. She wasn't sure what she expected from ancient books, but she felt that the Jedi Order was much more closed minded than she had thought. Sure, there were good lessons like self-discipline and patience, but no personal relationships or worldly attachments were permitted either. She couldn't imagine how these things couldn't make a person stronger. She was certainly better for her new friends, though she couldn't speak for how a family might mar her judgment. A life of isolation would certainly predispose one to fall to the Dark Side… wouldn't it? There was also the hypocrisy in the Jedi practice of conquering external loyalties, but the Jedi had served The Republic for many years, even in times of controversy. She certainly didn't feel that reading the religious text was helping her training. In her uncertainty, she felt a pull like she did on Ahch-To, except there were no dark caves to speak of here. Eyes burning from exhaustion, she tossed the book of Jedi scripture to the end of her bunk in frustration. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

She felt the presence of his image in the corner of her room before he addressed her curtly, "Scavenger."

Speaking of complicated.

"Ben. It's been a few days.", she regarded barely looking in his direction.

"I do have The First Order to command. I don't always have time for these little dalliances."

"Right. As if we have control over this all of the time.", she scoffed. "Unless of course, you reached through for me this time." She looked at him now, honestly curious. Their last conversation had been nagging at her mind at night. She imagined that it might be doing the same for him. Maker, did he look worse for wear. Ben's normal sneer looked a bit… deflated. His normally well-groomed hair was wild, reminding her a little of Chewie in the mornings. He had purplish bags underneath of his blood-shot eyes. Even his robes looked a bit more disheveled than she was used to.

"Looking at anything in particular, Rey?" he asked her, his ill-temper showing.

She noted, of course, that she didn't answer her question. "Just you. You look terrible."

"Thanks.", he said dryly.

"Wanna talk about it?"

His dark eyes flicked to hers. A warning.

"Alright. Why are you here then?" she asked, a bit exasperated.

His voice raised a bit, "I never said-"

"You didn't deny it either."

He shook his head and sighed deeply. "It's been a trying few days, Scavenger." The insult almost sounded like a term of endearment.

He wasn't going to talk, but she wasn't going to watch him sit and glower in her room in silence. She moved to stand across from him and turned her left palm to face him, her hand curled in slightly. Remembering an ability from her reading, she conjured a ball of energy in her mind and tossed it to his side of the bond, making the string that tied them hum. His eyes fluttered and then opened wide.

"How did you…?" he whispered, not concealing his wonder very well. He felt her warmth and he relaxed a bit. Temporarily, the ache in his bones and the weariness on his mind was pacified.

She looked quite pleased with herself. She supposed that she could learn something from those old books. "I'm still training, you know."

His eyebrows scrunched together and he looked at her intently, resting a loose fist over his mouth. He was proud and troubled all at once. The refreshing ability was a high-level skill of the light side of the force. She still didn't know her power, but she was learning to use it. Eventually, he feared that this would all come down to her using it against him. Really, how else could things go if they weren't fighting side by side?

Suddenly, she felt small under his studying gaze. She stood a little taller to compensate. "Ben… do you have something to say to me? Or are you just going to keep looking at me like you're studying a specimen in a jar?"

"Please don't do that again." he finally said, a little more darkly than he intended.

"Fine." she said exasperatedly, "I was just trying to help."

"And why is that, exactly?" he spat. "Trying to use your-your kindness to make me forget that we are enemies? Trying to soften me for when we meet again on the battlefield? Or have you not realized that this is where this all ends?"

She was quiet for a moment. She narrowed her eyes, searching his dark eyes framed by a hard expression. "There is still light in you. I'm trying to help you while I still can."

"I didn't ask you to," he growled.

She was angry now. "Fine!" She reached back and threw her staff at his figure. He reaches for his nose in surprised before he disappears from her sight.

The stinging of his face where he felt her staff strike subsided as he realized that he was alone again. Just as surely as there was light in him, there was darkness in her. The thought should have brought him comfort, but instead he felt deeply unsettled.


	5. Chapter 5

When he killed his master, he did so because he wanted something better, something more for the universe than death and destruction. Now, he was left without a master and much to learn. As freeing as it had been to be rid of Snoke's voice in his head, it also left a huge void. Perhaps he had made a mistake when he ended Snoke. What was the alternative though? Would he have been able to kill Rey? Should he have let Snoke see his weakness? Snoke had seen it before, but Kylo Ren had kept it close to him at their last meeting. No. Had Snoke seen just how soft he was with her, that would have meant death for both of them.

When Rey had touched him in a force meeting before Crait, he had a vision of them ruling together. It was a new purpose. A new direction. When they fought together in this very space, he was sure that his vision would be fulfilled. Fighting back-to-back felt like a sacred act. They fought in such coordination that an outsider would believe they had trained that way for years. He thought that he wouldn't have to be so alone anymore. It was dangerous for a Force user to even imagine becoming too involved emotionally with another being, but it felt so right, so certain. Her rejection had nearly crushed him, throwing him into a deadly rage that was impossible to control. How could he have made her see?

Master-less, Rey-less, Kylo Ren was completely without direction. Powerful as he was, he had no idea how to rule, only how to inspire fear and how to fight. Snoke certainly had those talents, but was a statesman. As powerful as fear could be, it wasn't much of a match for the loyalty his military felt for Snoke, and now for Hux. The moment Hux began to question his leadership, he started to lose support from his base. Standing in the throne room, he felt so much like a child playing dress-up. It was infuriating. Suddenly, the air in the throne room felt heavy and uncomfortable.

He needed to take a walk. Stalking across the ship, it was clear that many of his subordinates had not been around many powerful Force users. Kylo Ren had heard their thoughts whispering, questioning his leadership, contemplating a coup… He wanted to squeeze the life out of the minds those thoughts came from, but that was too like Snoke.

"Supreme Leader, a word- if I may."

"General Hux," Kylo Ren acknowledged, "You may speak."

"We have received intelligence that the last gasp of the resistance has received some funding from sympathetic societies in the Outer Rim. Further, I received a report from the mining operation in Pressy's Tumble. Several fuel pods were stolen from there by Resistance air craft. I ordered that the supervising commander be dealt with accordingly."

"How would you like us to proceed in addressing the entities that have helped our enemies?", Hux asked, a dark giddiness playing on his voice.

"Take control over the industry of the planets that have been cooperating with the Resistance. Seize any profits that are in excess of the ability of the people to feed and shelter themselves."

"Supreme Leader, with all due respect," Hux started, sarcasm breaking through his voice, "Are you sure that the punishment ought to be so… merciful?"

"Starving children and dead innocents will feed the Resistance if there is hope for their survival. Make it so they are unable to be so generous to our enemies. After that, you will report to me if you feel further action needs to be made."

"But, sir-"

"Get out of my sight and do as I command." Kylo growled.

"Yes, sir." Hux said sourly.

Walking towards his quarters, Kylo's hands curled into fists. He had wished in vain that the Resistance would go away on their own, especially after the death of the General. Evidently, it was not going to be that simple.

The night before, she had dreamed of Ahch-To. It had started as memories replaying themselves, but then she seemed to have visions in flashes. A sunken X-wing. A destroyed temple. Steam swirling in the cave. Ancient voices calling her to the cliffs. A long discarded light saber. New power. The sounds of a fight. Ben calling her name.

She shot of bed with a gasp. What did it mean? He had to find out.

"General Poe," Rey started as way of greeting, "May I have a word, please?"

"Of course. Also, you can cut it out with the formalities. I suppose I have you to thank for having the title though, eh?"

"I don't know about that. You have a reputation of your own."

"Yeah, that isn't always a good thing, sweetheart." He chuckled. He seemed to be in a much better mood that she had seen him in a while. "What do you need?"

"I would like permission to travel." It killed her to have to ask, but she didn't exactly have a fuel source of her own.

He was surprised by the request. "Where would you go?"

"Ahch-to. It's the planet I started my training on-"

"Right, where Luke was. Luke is dead."

"I know. I just have so much to learn and I don't feel like I'm making any progress here. I have no teacher, but I feel like there is something for me to learn there."

Poe frowned. "The timing of this request isn't great, Rey. Word of what happened on Crait has spread. The people feel an awakening. There are even those who are thinking of joining arms with us. I got word this morning that twenty new recruits will be joining us. Our operatives throughout the galaxy have heard whispers of unrest, especially since Snoke was killed by one of his own.

For the first time in a long time, I feel hope. You are an important player in our fight, Rey."

"I am of little use the Resistance until I know how to use the Force properly." Rey said imploringly.

He laughed at that. "That's entirely untrue. You have a reputation of your own around here."

"Please. This is something that I have to do. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but I'll be back the moment I'm needed at the very latest."

He looked into her eyes to make sure she was telling the truth. "Okay. But you can't take the Falcon. Like I said, you have a bit of a reputation and so does that ship. There are a couple of old A-wings with radios that would be okay if you took. I trust that you can figure out how to fly one?"

"Of course." She said with a smirk.

"Then Godspeed, Rey. I expect to hear from you from time to time. I'll have D'Acy get you the radio instructions. Can't be too careful."

 _Rey…_

Sheepishly, he called to her through the bond. He had felt that call to the light again, and it set off a firestorm in his brain. She could distract him, even help him, if he would allow it. Of course, he wasn't going to admit any of this to her. Seeing her might be enough to still his mind.

They hadn't seen each other in days. The bond was still there, that much he knew. He could sometimes feel her. He sensed a shift in her today. He couldn't quite pinpoint it, but it made him wary. Even without a teacher, she was learning and growing. A discordant mix of pride and dread filled him.

He sighed. He could sense that she wouldn't be appearing to him tonight. Settling in his bed, he conjured the image of the seemingly endless ocean. An island interrupted the waves almost violently. Instead of continuing to float over the area, his mind descended on the patch of land and into its core. A black abyss swirling with darkness is seated there. Ancient voices call his name. A dream turned vision.

He sits up suddenly, out of breath. He must find this place.


	6. Chapter 6

Rey landed the old A-wing in the cave at the edge of the pit containing the dark half of the temple, not wanting to risk it being seen. Shutting off the engine, she sighed in relief and relaxed. Not only had she had a long flight but she had spent much of it trying to gauge the feelings of shuttles around her, looking for potential threats. Now on the solid ground, she hopped out of the ship with a pack of supplies on her shoulder. As she hit the ground, she felt a hum rise within her. She felt more herself here already. She regarded the pit for a moment but decided that now was not the time. She exited the cave and took a deep breath of sea air. The saltiness reminded her a bit of Crait and Luke. A little wave of sadness washed over her then. Her first order of business was to put her teacher to rest properly.

As she reached the surface, she found that the light side of the temple was in ruin. She was glad that she had taken the texts while she was here. The indigenous people of the island seemed to be trying to come up with some kind of solution. There was no saving the tree, but they seemed to be trying to preserve anything they could. When they saw her, they seemed to panic. This made her smile to herself. She would try not to leave a mess for them this time.

She made her way to Luke's hut and the place where he meditated. His hut had been untouched since the last time she had seen it. She found his weather-worn cloak in a bush near his former home. She picked it up and got the sense that she would not find a body here. There was so much that she didn't understand about the force.

The cloak was tattered, but she decided to take it with her. They hadn't always had the best relationship, but she was grateful to him. She made her way to the hut she had used when she stayed here. The hole she blew in the wall had been patched, though the new stone was a few shades lighter. She smiled a bit to herself at that memory and began to unpack her few belongings. Finn had sent her with a blaster pistol, some extra rations, and a pilot's jacket to stay warm. He wasn't thrilled that she had left, but he understood. Finn had somehow managed to get his own comm net channel so she could reach him in the A-wing if need be.

The suns were setting now. Rey started a fire in her hut and settled in to read. After a while, she turned to a page about force bonding. Reading came easily now as if she was getting help from the Force. As far as she could tell, no other pair had been bound by an outside person, like she and Ben how.

 **Binding is most appropriate between Padawan and master, as this is the closest relationship permitted between users of the Force.**

 **"** Well, that isn't how my situation with Ben is working out, now is it?"

 **Once Force bound, the connection is rarely broken. The only way to sever a bond is to turn away from the Force, or by death. Even in death, some bound Jedi still communicate with their counterpart.**

 **"** That certainly complicates things…" She sighed, closing the book. She rubbed her tired eyes and thought about trying to sleep when she heard the sound of an engine cutting out. Her eyes went wide. "Someone is here."

She quickly extinguished her fire and found a small flashlight in her pack. She wrapped a cloak around herself and strapped her blaster and her staff to her body. Quietly, she crept out of the hut. It was unreasonably dark here at night. Doing the best she could to stay in the shadows, she worked her way to the shore. She reached out with her mind, but she could only sense Ben and a few of the indigenous people. Using the light reflecting off the water, she could make out the outline of a TIE silencer. She found a big enough boulder to crouch behind. From there, she watched the ship, scarcely allowing herself to breathe.

The ship opened up with a hiss. Kylo Ren exited, alone, from his aircraft and stepped into the sand. His pale skin practically glowed in the darkness. The strong winds ripped through his hair and carried his cloak. With only the reflection of light from the water, it was certainly an image to behold. Beautiful and dangerous. Rey watched him stretch, tense from his journey. She found that the act was surprisingly… human.

Why was he here? Had he come for her?

 _"What are you doing, Ben?"_ she asked him with her mind.

From her vantage point, he could see his forehead crinkle. He heard her but wasn't going to answer her, evidently. She pulled out the blaster and edged herself closer to the beach, careful to avoid his notice. She thought that he looked younger right now, and very lost.

She took a deep breath and stepped from the shadows. "Ben."

He whirled to face her, but he didn't look all that surprised. "I can't do this now."

"I'm sorry. You just show up here and you can't talk to me right now?" she asked incredulously. "How in the stars did you find me?"

He looked at her questioningly. It dawned on her that he didn't think she was physically standing in front of him. She aimed the blaster at the sand between his legs, just a couple of inches in front of him and fired, causing sand to fly up at him and the nearby Porgs to sound off in protest. She watched his eyes turn from annoyance to surprise to realization to shock. Finally, his face hardened and he drew his saber, taking a defensive stance.

"How did you-? Did you plant that vision into my head?" he bellowed. "Where are the others?"

"I don't know what you're talking about.", she yelled back.

"The Resistance.", he hissed.

"I'm here alone…"

"Liar."

"Really, Ben? For a man who is damn near constantly in my head, you don't seem to know anything."

He reached into her mind then. He saw that she was here to train more properly. She had been here before with Luke Skywalker.

"Skywalker?" he hissed?

"Is dead." she retorted flatly.

That took him by surprise again. He was on this island from a dream, her dream, and she was here too? Alone? His head was spinning with questions. Rey gave a humorless laugh at this.

"I came here to train close to the first Jedi temple. I came here looking for clarity because I've been feeling… stuck. Conflicted. I trained here very briefly with Luke before I came to you and we fought together. Luke somehow was there for Crait, but he also wasn't, and he died here after that.", she explained a bit more harshly than she had intended, stepping closer to him. "And now, YOU are actually here threatening me with your lightsaber." She should be afraid, she thought. Why wasn't she? "Are you going to try and kill me now?"

He shut down his lightsaber in answer and relaxed his stance. He ran his hands through his wind-blown hair trying to focus. This was all too hard to believe, hell, to understand. He was tired, so kriffing tired. Bewilderment was painted all over his face.

"How did you find me?", Rey demanded.

"I had a dream, a vision of this place. I flew here not knowing exactly where I was going. There was a cave… I swear to the Maker that I didn't know you were here.", he said earnestly.

She nodded once, finally lowering her blaster. "There's a Sith Temple beneath the ruins of the Jedi Temple, for balance, naturally.", she said with a hint of irony. "That's a trek best made when the suns are out."

They stood awkwardly together, a few feet apart. It seemed like this was easier when the other would fade out after a while.

"You look tired.", she said, a bit more gently. "Are you planning to sleep on your ship?"

His face looked a little panicked. He was so delirious from exhaustion, so ready to have answers, that he hadn't packed anything. He just told Hux that he had to go somewhere to realign himself properly with the teachings of the Sith. Most of his men, Hux included, were wary of the Force and the spiritual practice of it. The mystic side of it was something to be placated out of fear of the practitioner, but not necessarily taken that seriously. Hux had seemed more than happy to be rid of him for a few days, nonetheless.

"For the leader of the most powerful military in the galaxy, planning doesn't seem to be your forte. It will be too cold to stay out here tonight. Follow me.", she turned towards the huts.

 _Are you going to kill me?_

"It would certainly solve some problems, but that isn't really the way _I_ like to operate.", she sneered.

He hesitated for a moment, but then he followed after her. They came upon some brick structures that were made for much shorter beings than Kylo Ren. He had to crouch considerably to enter the one that Rey took him too, much to her amusement. Skillfully, she started a fire near the middle of the structure. It was strange to watch her do normal daily activities. It fascinated him. She then sat on an ancient looking wooden stool on the opposite side of the hut from a mat that was heaped with blankets.

"After you.", she said, gesturing to the makeshift bed.

"Are you not going to sleep?", he asked.

"No. I feel for you, Ben. That doesn't mean that I trust you."

They studied each other for a moment. "This is where I first saw you through the bond, you know.", she offered quietly, gesturing to a space in the wall where the bricks looked newer than the rest.

"You really fired a blaster at me?", he asked, amused.

"Can you blame me? At that point, the last time I saw you nearly killed Finn and you tried to kill me!"

"Fair enough. You left your mark then too, remember?", he retorted, the corners of his lips turning up as he gestured to the long scar on his face.

"It suits you," she said quietly, not sure if she was talking about the smile or the scar.

He laid back and chuckled, a low rumbled that seemed to vibrate through her body. She had never seen him so… relaxed. A small smile crossed her lips and something fluttered in her gut. He would be the death of her.

She thought he was asleep when he spoke up again, his voice barely a whisper. "This doesn't feel real. You caught me off guard tonight." He sounded sad for a reason that she couldn't quite place.

"I know," she whispered, finding his softened dark eyes.

"Thank you."

She nodded by way of acknowledgment and held his gaze for a bit. His eyes started to flutter before he fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

When he first woke, he didn't remember where he was. Then, he saw her sitting on the opposite side of the room. Everything came flooding back and his face flushed with embarrassment. What were the odds that they would end up in this place? Well, he suspected that odds had nothing to do with their situation. Rey was dead asleep, head against the wall. She was so captivating in her vulnerable state. Gods, he prayed there was another way for their story to end than fighting to the death. Surely, he would let her strike him down. Carefully, he took a blanket and draped it over her.

He stretched as stepped from the hut, feeling refreshed from sleep for the first time in a long time. He had to admit that getting away from The First Order for even a short period of time had been restorative to his energy, but the storm within him raged on. He came here to quiet that storm. To renew his direction. So far, he had only gotten a few hours of sleep and found himself in an impossible situation.

He took a deep breath. The air was salty, reminding him of a recent battle which ended with him kneeling at Rey's feet. She was certainly not something he was counting on this trip. A feeling of dread washed over him. How could they both get through this conflict alive? At that moment, he resolved to leave this planet as soon as he got the answers he had come for. He couldn't let whatever this was grow anymore. It was corrupting him.

He quieted his mind to the best degree that he could. Soon, he heard dark voices calling for him. He followed them to a cave beneath ruins of what he assumed was a Jedi temple. He was surprised to find what must have been Rey's A-wing parked there. She was quite clever. Before he was a hole that he knew led to the place that would give him what he needed. It was filled with water, but the voices beckoned him urgently. Kylo Ren stripped to his underclothes, and dove in.

When he surfaced, gasping for air, he realized that he recognized this place. Rey had been here searching for answers of her own. Slowly, reverently, he crept towards the obsidian wall.

"Show me" he whispered.

The reflection of himself turned into an image of him fighting off faceless assailants in a show of raw rage. Behind him, a smaller figure yielding a green lightsaber cuts down enemies to his back.

 _She rose to be your equal,_ the darkness hisses _._

The vision shows her, unrestrained and raw, fighting for her life, his life. She's protecting him. She's deadly and powerful. Beautiful in the way a storm is over the ocean.

 _No more Sith, no more Jedi_ ,

This image dissipates and another form. Again, they are standing back to back in a defensive stance. They are in the middle of a battle about to begin. His image is facing lines and lines of stormtroopers, while she is facing rows of Resistance fighters. His face is contorted into a snarl, while hers is hard but calm.

 _Two sides of the same coin,_

Another image forms. At first, he thinks the vision is over, but his reflection dons a black cloak. An image of Rey approaches and takes the hand of his reflection. They share a look of affection.

 _Ashla and Bogan,_

Kylo Ren falls to his knees as the vision figures share a kiss and blow away like sand.

 _Balance_

The dust settles and Kylo now only saw his awed expression reflected in the obsidian. He catches his breath. He had been holding it and hadn't realized it.

After a moment, he jumps to his feet and hurries to the surface. He hastily threw his clothes back on, and he ran to her as if she might have disappeared. It's storming now. The rain and his hair obscured his vision, but he didn't care. He needed to see her. He came upon the hut and stopped suddenly in the doorway. He hadn't considered what he would actually say to her.

Lightning illuminated his silhouette.

"Ben?"

She sat on the stool her left her in, reclining on the wall with another stool propping up her feet. His cape was covering her legs like a blanket and there was a book in her lap. She closed the book and slowly placed it in her pack, sitting straight up again.

"What are you doing?" she asked him, a questioning expression on her face.

His gaze was intense and soft, but otherwise impossible to read- true to fashion. His long, dark hair laid in wet tendrils around his face. He was soaked to the bone, chest heaving.

"Ben, come in out of the rain…", she ordered, still looking puzzled.

He sat on the stool where her feet were and just looked at her. She met his gaze, a concerned look crinkling her brow. Gods, where to begin. "I went to the Temple."

She stiffened, warning bells sounding off in her head.

"Please," he said gently, "It's not the way you think. I'm not going to hurt you."

"What did you see?" her voice barely a whisper.

"Truthfully, I saw you."

She looked at him with wide eyes, surprised. His gaze was soft, conflicted, but honest, nearly pleading with her though he's asked for nothing. The storm outside seems to be churning in his bones, she thought.

"You're not alone, Ben."

"No," he said with a bit of surprise in his voice. "Neither are you."

This time, he took his glove off and reached his hand toward her first. After a moment of hesitation, she reached out as well. Slowly, their fingertips came together. The bond within them hummed. It was like they were exchanging pure energy. Dangerous and enticing. Calloused fingers slid over calloused fingers, over each other's palms, down the other's muscled arms until Ben could hook his long fingers around her elbow. They both closed their eyes, relishing in the feeling of touch. Neither of them had experienced contact like his. There were emotions there too. Longing. Need. Joy. Contentment. There was some fear there too.

Uncertainly, Ben leaned down and kissed her so lightly that it might have been his breath on her lips. Her eyes opened in something that wasn't quite surprise. His eyes plead with her once again, and she closed her eyes in answer. His breath caught in his throat. He met her lips again, softly but fully.

She stood up from her stool and let go of him, breaking the kiss. Her eyes were filled with conflict, pain, and fear. She met his gaze. Gods, he was always so intense. He stayed seated, looking at her with sad and puzzled eyes.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked gently.

"No, no of course not. This is just… I don't know….", tears stung her eyes.

Carefully, he reached up and gently tucked a stray hair behind her ear. She didn't recoil. He reached his hands toward her in invitation. Slowly, she took them. He gently rubbed his thumbs against the backs of her hands, every motion careful and deliberate like she might slip away from him at any moment.

"You're afraid," he whispered reassuringly. "I feel it too."

This time, her lips found his.


	8. Chapter 8

Hi readers! I appreciate all of the feedback and kind words. I really enjoy hearing from you! This chapter is pretty fluffy. The next few chapters will be a little more plot-heavy, and I thought my followers and our co-protagonists deserved something light! The next chapters will deal with where they will go after Ahch-To! Plot is coming, I promise!

...

It's possible that Kylo Ren had not thought very carefully about the implications of all of this when he was rushing back to the hut. Where did they go from here? They both were thinking it. Would he go back to the First Order? He knew that, though their relationship had evolved, she wouldn't follow him. He was angry about that, sure, but he was almost angrier that he had put them in their current position.

Maybe… maybe he could go with her. But what fate would he face there? He couldn't imagine being welcomed in with open arms, especially without his mother's influence. Perhaps they just needed to go their separate ways for now. Play it by ear until they could be together. That was their fate, wasn't it?

Did he regret coming to her though? Absolutely not. He positively burned for her. With every small touch, he was more and more sure that he might burst into flames at any moment. And when she kissed him? Their bond positively sang. She was freedom, warmth, and passion personified.

"Ben?" She let his hands fall from hers, eliciting a frown from him.

"Hm?"

"Can you show me exactly what you saw?"

With a nod, he reached up and touched her cheek. They saw it play out together.

"Oh," she whispered as it finished. "This is too much. I don't- I don't know what we're supposed to do."

"Me either," he admitted, dropping his hand.

It was quiet for a moment.

"Do you wish that I had not come to you?" he whispered, his brow furrowing.

"Yes—no. I don't know!" she started pacing, her voice raising. "I was just a scavenger from Jakku. I don't know how any of this is supposed to work.", she said gesturing wildly. "I've long felt… warm for you but, I've never _been_ with anyone. Stars, I've had my first friend for less than half of a standard year. Not to mention that I'm supposed to be training to be a Jedi. This," more wild gesturing "is likely at the top of the forbidden list. AND, we're on the opposite sides of a fight for the galaxy!"

He looked at her, stricken. "How long have you felt 'warm' for me, scavenger?"

"Maker! Is that all you heard?" she asked incredulously.

"No. One item at a time. How long?"

"I don't know! I think I maybe realized it when I assaulted Luke for making you into Kylo Ren."

A surprised smile spread across his face, causing her heart to flutter and a scowl to appear on her face. "You did what?"

"A tale for another time," she replied flatly.

"I'll hold you to that," he said with a chuckle before getting serious again. "To your next point, I've never ' _been'_ with anyone before either. Being taken away from worldly pleasures as a child has that effect."

"Oh, right." She blushed, and he was sure his heart jumped into his throat.

"Next, stop trying to be a Jedi and start training to be a powerful force user. I've heard your doubts. There have been plenty of force users who forged their own paths. You are utterly unprecedented. I imagine that this won't be that difficult for you." He offered her a hand, his eyes soft and comforting on hers. "I want to help you with all of that."

With a sigh, she took his hand. "And the last point?"

"Admittedly, that's a challenge. I don't know how to rectify that yet. Rey, you saw what I saw. Eventually, we will fight together. That is our destiny. I think… I think that how we get there is less important."

"So many things could go wrong…" she whispered. "Why aren't you afraid?"

"I told you that I am," he replied softly. "Do you trust me?"

"I do."

He squeezed her hand. "Then we don't have to figure any of it out alone."

She tugged on his hand as a way of asking him to stand. He was too tall to hug like she hugged Finn, so she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested his cheek on his chest. She felt him hesitate and she was sure that she had crossed some boundary. Just as she was thinking of pulling away, his arms wound around her shoulders and he- very lightly- rested his cheek on the top of her head. Maker, was his heart thundering. She chuckled at that.

"What are you laughing at, scavenger?" his voice gave away his sheepish smile, inspiring another chuckle.

"I can hear your heartbeat. You really aren't a monster in a mask, despite yourself."

Now it was his turn to laugh.

"I would like to kiss you again." he breathed, lifting his head.

She lifted her chin and kissed him first. She could feel his darkness bleeding through to her. She had felt it before, but this time there was none of the anger. Instead, there was passion and desire. It was intoxicating as it married with her light. Her light was also seeping into his darkness. This time, the two forces didn't fight cause a storm within him. It was rather like a careful dance of passion and fury, tranquility, and selflessness. A taste of balance. He deepened this kiss, his hands moving to cradle her face. They could deal with tomorrows later. This moment was just for them. A gift to one another and to themselves.

Having her here, in his arms, reminded him of the first time the encountered one another. She had been afraid, but brave, her own power unrealized. When he realized that she had what he needed, he bid her to sleep and carried her to the interrogation room himself. It was a surprisingly intimate experience for him. Perhaps that is why he insisted on interrogating her himself. Even then, he didn't want anyone else to touch her. So quickly, he took off the mask for her. It was his first line of defense, hiding his youth and any weakness his face might allow to show… a monster brought to the light.

"Ben," she breathed against his lips, "You're not a monster."

"Oh Rey," he said softly. "You can't possibly forget the terrible things I've done, the lives I've destroyed."

She backed up a little so she could look at his face. "Snoke used you as a tool to do those things"

"I'm not blameless. He preyed upon my weaknesses, but I made my choices, scavenger. I still believe in bringing order to the galaxy," His voice was a little sad, fear lingering in his eyes. "Perhaps you have helped me to see that there are less destructive ways if I can channel my anger without letting it consume me."

"You need a teacher" she mused softly.

"As do you, scavenger." He leaned in and pressed his lips to her forehead.

"Maybe we should train together."

Lightning cracked outside of their hut. "If the weather improves, we can start tomorrow. I can think of other things we can work on for now." he finished, his voice husky. He pressed her flush against his body and pressed his lips to hers again. Rey felt heat spread from deep in her center to everywhere else, concentrating in previously undiscovered areas. She took in air sharply against his lips before opening herself to him, her tongue brushing against his.

He felt as though the lightning outside had somehow reached him. With a low growl, he let his hands ghost over her body reverently as their kissing deepened and became more urgent. He didn't know how to do any of this, he just wanted her to be his.

His stomach gurgled with hunger, interrupting their heated kissing and caressing.

"You're hungry." Rey accused, pulling away.

"You could say that," he said huskily, trying to pull her back.

She slithered out of his arms, much to his disapproval. "I'll make some food. I have some ration packs. I'm sure they're not what you're used to, but it's all I have. I haven't done any fishing yet. I've been distracted…" she said with a little smile playing on her lips.

...

Over dinner and long after the food was gone, the pair talked about anything but the future. Ben wanted to know about the time before BB-8 and Finn came crashing into her life. Rey told Ben about life and survival on Jakku; the home she made in the destroyed AT-AT, her biggest scavenging scores, Unkar Plutt, and the various threats she had faced and survived. He was an enthusiastic listener. As she talked, she pulled her to sit between his legs and he wrapped his arms around her waist. As he touched her, he could see everything as she remembered it. He vowed that she would never have to experience anything like that again.

In turn, Ben told Rey about his home planet of Chandrila. He didn't speak of his family, and she didn't push him to. She just leaned back against his chest, looking into his memory. He told her about learning to swim in the Silver Sea, chasing bulabirds on the beaches, and his first memories of being force sensitive. After a while, he realized that her breathing had slowed and her eyes had fluttered shut. He kissed the top of her head and chuckled very softly. They had come a long way in such a short time. Just the night before, she had been too afraid to sleep around him. Now, she was sleeping soundly against his chest.

He held her like that for a while. He felt so whole in that moment and his often tumultuous mind was quiet and calm. Feeling sleep threatening to overtake him, he carefully picked his scavenger up and laid her on the makeshift bed. He kneeled and tucked the blankets around her. He placed a kiss on her cheek as he rose.

As gentle as he had been, Rey stirred. "Ben, stay," she mumbled, half asleep. She reached out her hand. "Please."

His heart broke into a million pieces and put itself back together again. He took her hand and laid beside her. "Of course," he whispered.

He knew that this couldn't go on forever. He needed to return to The First Order soon. In that moment, he resolved to create something that she could fight for. If they had to be apart- a thought that absolutely ravaged him- it had to be brief.


	9. Chapter 9

_Rey._

She woke with a start. "Ben?" she whispered.

Ben was soundly sleeping between her and the brick wall of the hut. She smiled at that. He looked so peaceful and calm, his hair obscuring his face and his mouth slightly agape. She reached towards his face-

 _We have something to show you. Your journey is still just beginning._

She recognized the voices whispering to her from when she had found the Skywalker lightsaber in Maz's castle. Careful to not wake Ben, she got up, grabbed her staff, and started to follow the voices.

 _There's something you need near the abandoned X-wing._

 _You've taken your first steps, but this is a marathon, not a sprint._

 _You're his only hope to find peace, Rey._

 _Don't be afraid._

 _Yes, child, closer. You're nearly there._

The closer she got to the place where she had seen the x-wing, the louder and more varied the voices became. The sun was starting to rise now. A beam of sunlight lit up the side of a rock face near the water where Luke's old ship was submerged. As Rey looked, she thought there was something odd about the way the stones were arranged. The voices encouraged her to look more closely.

She started to move the rocks around, and sure enough, there was something hidden amongst them. The silver of the handle glinted in the low sunlight even though it was covered in dust and dirt. As she picked up the lightsaber, visions took over her sight.

First, she saw the blade being used in a fight with Darth Vader. A young man wielded the weapon. Focusing on his face, she realized that she was watching Luke duel with his father. Then, she saw Luke's betrayal of Ben again. The blue blade clashing with the green blade wielded by her former teacher. In the vision, a younger Ben cried out and the walls crumbled around them. The vision faded into an image of a grown Ben facing faceless adversaries. Behind him, Rey saw herself wielding the green blade, protecting his flank. The vision cut to an image of Ben turning his red saber against the green saber, his eyes fiery, furious, and determined.

The visions stopped, but she could feel her heartbeat in her ears as she held the weapon. Tentatively, she activated the blade. There was a snap-hiss sound as a brilliant green light was revealed. The blade cracked through the morning-half light, but the blade emitted no heat. Quickly, she turned it back off and attached it to her belt. She needed a lightsaber, but did it have to be this one?

She trenched through the mud back towards the huts, trying to process the visions and her situation. She felt a pang in her stomach as she thought of Ben. He wasn't going to take this well, she knew it. The last thing she wanted was to drive him away from her. The vision showed them fighting together though, right? Of course, it showed them as foes at the end of it too…

She took a deep breath before entering the hut. By the looks of it, Ben was still asleep. Relief washed over her. Carefully, she took off her belt which now housed a blaster and a lightsaber that would be steeped in controversy. Despite the care she took to be quiet. Ben started to stir.

"Scavenger?" he whispered, his voice thick from sleep.

"I'm here," she reassured him, using the force to slide her belt behind her pack.

He slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes. His vulnerability made her feel warm inside and she couldn't help but smile. He looked up at her and smiled sleepily. He opened his arms in invitation. She gave a little smile and accepted, getting on the ground and crawling into his arms. He squeezed her and kissed her ear.

"You're cold." He said with a frown. "Were you outside?"

"Uh, yeah," she started. "I took a walk."

His body tensed a bit. She could tell that he knew there was more to the story.

"Okay," she sighed. "I have to tell you something, but I need you to promise to stay calm. Please."

His body was rigid against hers now. "I can try." He said warily.

She kissed him lightly as she turned to face him, still maintaining contact with his body. "The force called me out of sleep this morning. It wanted to show me something."

His eyes were questioning and guarded, but still warm towards her. "Go on.."

She took a deep breath and stood up, kissing him on the way up as a gesture of reassurance. She crossed the hut and picked up the lightsaber carefully. She then took it to Ben, sitting in front of him and holding it out for him to take. After an initial look of surprise, his expression became totally unreadable. His fingers twitched, but he didn't take the weapon from her. He barked out a humorless laugh, still staring at the too-familiar hilt.

"This is just poetic," he remarked flatly, staring at the blade intensely.

She could feel his fear being replaced with anger. "I'm not going to be like Luke," she said. She placed the saber to the side and put her hands over his clenched fists. He looked up at her then, his eyes reminding her of a wounded animal.

"Right. It's not like you're training to be a Jedi," he spat the title. "It's not as though you are clinging to dating teachings that will teach you to fear and hate the dark side of the Force. The Force that courses through my veins."

"Ben, there is light in you. We both know that" she said quietly.

"Right. Which is the only reason you haven't killed me yet. You're trying to change me, change the Force that envelopes me into something that it is not. The darkness will always be there." His voice was even and deadly. "When you realize that I am what I am, you'll either leave or you'll kill me. At some point, you'll have to deal with the fact that the dark side is part of you too. Maybe then you will understand my penchant for self-loathing and isolation. Like you've seen my light, I've seen your darkness." His words stung. Angry tears streaked her face. His gaze softened for a moment before becoming steely again.

"Have you considered for a minute that I care about YOU, Ben? You think I'm blind to the dark that swirls through you? There are days when I feel it bleeding into me, feeding into my own anger and fear. Yes, I talk about your light because I don't think I could… be this way, rationalize with someone who was pure darkness." she was shaking and shouting. "Before… you might have been right. I thought I could change your heart. But then we stumbled into this bond and I've been doing some reading. Ancient force users didn't deal in light and dark. Perhaps we should avoid killing the past and we learn from the mistakes of those who dealt in absolutes.

In the meantime, I need a kriffing weapon to defend myself because you and I both know that you would consider doing something stupid to protect me if I couldn't defend myself. The blaster and my staff won't cut it against the enemies I'll be facing. We both know that." she said, trying to regain her composure.

His gaze was difficult to read again. She could feel the conflict starting to subside within him for the moment. "You're right," he said quietly. "We should train today. If you're going to use _his_ saber until we find a way to make your own, you should learn how to use it properly."

"Make my own?"

"Of course. I made mine. Every force user should be able to make their own. They're meant to be an extension of your force."

Her eyes lit up a bit. "Can we do that here?"

"We have to find kyber crystals. The Empire did a nice job of making the known sources scarce. Of course, synthetic crystals are an option, but we can't make those here."

"I have the broken lightsaber back at base. Could we use those?"

"Maybe. For now, we will make do with what we have," he said, making a small, disgusted gesture towards the set aside saber.

He relaxed his fists and turned over his hands, taking her hands in his. "I may have overreacted to that," he said quietly. "I'm still not sure what we're doing. I know that we're meant to be partners eventually, but I'm quite used to the people I care for turning away in disgust or fear when they see me for what I am."

She squeezed his hands, "I see you. I'm not afraid."

"I'm going to have to go back to the Order soon…" he said with not an insignificant amount of wariness and sadness in his voice.

She moved so she was sitting beside him. She laced her fingers with his and rested her head on his shoulder. "I know," she said quietly. "and I'm needed with the Resistance. We will regroup and find each other again soon though, right?"

"That is my goal."

"Then let's go train so that we're both ready." She stood up, placing a kiss on the top of his head as she picked up the discarded lightsaber and her belt.

A small smile played on his lips. "Let's."


	10. Chapter 10

For the next three days, they trained on the biggest patch of flat land they could find. They would rise with the sun and they would spar, Ben teaching Rey about proper techniques, stances, and forms. His feelings for her did not make him go easier on her, but he was a patient teacher. She was a quick learner, often surprising him with the natural way the skill came to her. On a couple of occasions, she would get the best of him in practice. As soon as she did, she would disengage her lightsaber with a smug grin. He would roll his eyes and plant a peck on her lips. "Very good, my _Padawan_ ," he would say sarcastically. "Again."

Once the afternoon hunger hit them, Rey would catch some fish or find some berries, enough for lunch and dinner. They would work together to make food, eat, and go back to the field. In the afternoons, they would meditate. Rey would teach Ben to focus on his breath and clear his mind, rather than focusing his rage as he would normally during meditation. When she could sense his impatience or his struggle to stay focused, she would coach him through it gently and patiently. When he finally would break his concentration, he would often open his eyes to see her in meditation, hovering over the ground. He was sure he had never seen something so beautiful.

After meditation, they would spar again, but this time Ben wouldn't coach Rey through it. She had become quite good, he thought. Every night, she pushed him back harder and harder. When darkness crept over them they would trek back to their hut, sweaty and exhausted. They would eat, take turns going to the shore to wash, and collapse into sleep together. It was decided, painfully, that the night after day three of training would be the last night they would spend together on Ahch-To.

"Just because I'm going back doesn't mean that training stops entirely, you know." Ben said as they were finishing their dinner. "We still have the bond."

A melancholy smile spread on Rey's face. "It's not the same, but I'm glad that I'll still get to see you."

"If we didn't have the bond, I wouldn't leave you know." he said quietly. "I can't do this without your help."

"If we didn't have the bond, I don't think you would have come in the first place." her voice was sad, quiet. It pulled at his heart.

He draped an arm over her and kissed the top of her head. "Do you wish that I had stayed away?"

"No," she said quickly. "I couldn't have gone on fighting with you in my head every damn day. This is harder in some ways, but better."

He pulled her close to him, his heart starting to fracture at the reality of him leaving her behind. He didn't ask her to come with him. She couldn't yet, and he wouldn't be able to handle her rejection, even though he understood. She kissed him softly, brushing his cheek with her thumb, wiping a tear he hadn't realized had fallen. He kissed her back, but more deeply, trying to say all of the words that he didn't know how to.

She stood up slowly and kissed his forehead. "I'm going to go wash off on the beach. I'll be right back."

As she left, he stood to shed his outer clothes. Their hut was pleasantly warm from the fire that Rey had so diligently kept aflame. He stripped to his training pants, removing his undershirt. He had slept shirtless for the last few nights with Rey's permission. He sat against the wall where their bed was and he played with the fabric of a blanket absently.

Alone with his thoughts, he thought about the things we wanted to accomplish when he returned to the Order. To start, he wanted to slowly let planets take over their industries, but with First Order regulations and supervision to ensure efficiency and safety. Order, but also justice, would be his priorities. He needed to create something different that Rey could be proud of.

At the thought of her, she appeared in the doorway. She was dressed in a thin white tunic and her hair was styled in a long braid. Her face was glowing from the light of the fire. Ben took her in with a sharp breath. This was not her usual dress for sleeping. She quickly entered the hut and shoved her dirty clothes in her bag, keeping her head down. He could feel the nerves and uncertainty washing over him.

"Rey," he whispered. "Talk to me."

She looked up at him startled, as if he had interrupted her thoughts. She took a deep breath. "What if I'm afraid to talk?" She approached him then, meeting his gaze with something unfamiliar but raw. That causes something stirred in him. He tried everything in his power to not notice the way the thin tunic clung to her. His mouth went dry and she flushed. He wasn't guarding his thoughts very well.

She was on his knees in front of him now, not touching him. Slowly she leaned toward him and kissed him softly. "Please." she whispered, offering him a hand.

He took it.

They woke up together, bare to the world and tangled together among the blankets. Today was the day that they went on their separate ways. Rey had wanted to memorize every inch of Ben before that happened. Neither of them knew how long they would have to rely on their force bond to ease the pain of separation.

She nuzzled his chest and tightened her arm around his torso to wake him. He stirred and stretched before looking down at her with a sleepy smile. He pulled her on top of him and buried his face in her hair, hugging her tightly.

After a while, he let go, kissing her fully before letting her get up to dress. He followed before long, a heaviness starting to fall over the room as they packed up their hut. Rey had decided that she would return to the resistance base today too. She couldn't bear to be where they were without him here.

"Can we take a walk before we go?" she asked him, blinking tears away.

"Of course," he said, taking her hand and kissing her palm.

She tightened her belt and tossed her pack over her shoulders. Ben adjusted his traditional First Order garb, and took her hand. Together, they walked in silence along the trail that circled their Island. They stopped at their training field and Ben laid in the thin grass, looking up at the clear sky. Rey took off her pack and laid next to him, her head on his chest.

"Rey, I need to say something." he said, breaking the silence.

She sat up and looked at him, her eyes sad but warm. "Yes?"

He took a deep breath. Before he could get the words out, a First Order shuttle cracked into the sky above them. His eyes went wide in surprise, then fear as he looked at Rey's inquisitive and concerned expression.

 _Rey, HIDE_


	11. Chapter 11

Rey took off running, but not to hide. Quickly and stealthily, she zig-zagged her way to a hidden vantage point near the beach where the small shuttle was landing. She watched as twelve elite troopers debarked and made their way up the path that would eventually lead to Ben.

" _Why are they here?"_ she asked Ben into his mind.

" _I'm not sure"_

She could feel his dread through the bond. " _There are twelve troopers coming your way. The shuttle is small. There can't be many more on board."_

 _"I told you to hide!"_ he hissed.

 _"I am."_

 _"Stay. Hidden."_ he implored. " _How much time do I have?"_

 _"Six or seven minutes, if they come directly to you."_

" _Okay. I can work with that."_

She reached into the mind of one of the troopers as they made their way up the steep trail. She was as gentle as she could be as to go undetected. She was not totally prepared for what she found. They meant to assassinate Kylo Ren on the orders of General Hux.

 _"BEN. They're here to kill you. Get out of there. Find somewhere to hide."_

" _Hux?"_ he asked, seeming less surprised than she expected.

 _"Yes. Ben, please, please don't do anything stupid."_

She could hear him chuckle over the bond. " _Godspeed, scavenger."_

He was going to do something stupid if she didn't think fast. Hell, even if she thought fast, he was going to get himself in trouble. She couldn't think of what could happen yet, she had to deal with what was in front of her. Carefully, she worked her way towards the beach and drew her blaster. They had left the boarding door open. She could sense two people remaining on the ship. She took a deep breath and stepped on board.

The two individuals in officer's clothing were sitting in the pilot and copilot chairs. As she saw them, she cleared her throat. "You will take this ship back to where you came from in 30 minutes. You will tell Hux that the mission was accomplished."

They turned to face her but did not draw their weapons. It was working. "We will take our ship back to General Hux and tell him the good news." They said in unison.

"You will also forget that you ever saw me," Rey added.

"We will forget that we ever saw you."

"Great. Have fun boys."

She now took off running for high ground. Their training field was had a rocky plateau on one side. She decided to see if she could get there and convince Ben to hide with her. That was if the troopers didn't get there first. If they did, she would have the advantage of being on high ground.

Unfortunately, four of the troopers had been positioned at exactly the area she wanted to be. She saw them before they saw her. They were not in attack position or formation yet, and they were far enough away from the ledge that she could take them out undetected if she played her cards right. She looked down at the field. Ben had stupidly decided to just play it cool. He now found himself in the center of a circle surrounded by the other eight elite troopers. The leader of the group started to reach for their weapon.

 _Pew, pew, pew_

Rey hit two of the troopers, including the leader, with deadly accuracy.

" _You've gotten better with a blaster since we first met,"_ he remarked through the bond.

" _Shut up and stay alive."_

The confusion bought them both time to spring into action. Ben sliced down the trooper who Rey had missed while Rey activated her lightsaber with a snap-hiss and she launched it horizontally, taking all four troopers out at the knee, recalling her weapon and passing back through each of them. She ran up on the ledge and leaped back down, landing in a defensive crouch at Ben's back.

What followed was a blur of lightsabers and blaster fire. Their bond hummed as Rey and Ben worked in perfect harmony, freezing blaster shots and covering each other. Rey force pushed the last assailant towards Ben for him to dispatch because he was just out of her reach. Ben thrust his saber through them. He noticed that the trooper had grabbed something small off their belt before they met their end. His eyes filling with realization, he threw Rey as far as he could with the Force and he took off running.

Rey hit the ground and lost consciousness for a split second before she was awoken by the explosion.

 _"BEN."_

She could still feel him with her. She ran, not sure how she knew where to find him. When she did, he was badly hurt. He was breathing, but painfully. His left side was burned and mangled. He was bleeding heavily from his arm and his leg. Immediately, she unraveled her arm guards to use as tourniquets.

"Ben! Ben! Stay with me." she screamed, tears running down her face as the tied her arm guards into place.

"You came" he sputtered out painfully.

"Shhhh, don't speak. Of course I came," she said as calmly as she could, applying pressure to another area on his side. " _C'mon stop bleeding!"_ she thought, her hands getting warmer and warmer.

He reached his non-mangled hand up to her face. " _My scavenger_ …"

"I've got you, Ben. It's going to be okay." She said, trying to sound reassuring. She kept her hands on his side but leaned her face towards his hand, tears wetting his palm.

" _Rey, it's okay…"_

She could feel him fading. "Don't you do this to me, Ben Solo." she choked out. The bleeding from his side was slowing down, so she removed a hand and placed in on his chest. She leaned down and kissed his forehead before leading her own against his.

" _I love you,"_ he said, but it sounded like goodbye.

"I know. Oh, Ben, I know. Stay with me. Please."

A small smile ghosted his lips, and he lost consciousness. She swore, tears soaking her face. She listened closely through the force. His heart was still beating, but it was weak. She tore off a length of his cape and wrapped it tightly around his middle where his side had been bleeding. She summoned all of the Force she could manage, and he heaved him up, drapping his arms over her shoulders, carrying him awkwardly. She started to make her way toward where her A-wing was stored, struggling under his weight. Half-way there, one of the indigenous women crossed her path with a wheelbarrow, gesturing to her wildly that she should take it.

"Thank you." Rey said sincerely, hoping that the woman understood.

She very carefully placed him in the bucket and kissed his cheek. "C'mon, Ben. Hold on."

Finally, she reached the A-wing. Luckily, this model had been a training ship. She hoisted Ben into the trainer's seat and strapped him in. He was still holding on, but he wasn't stirring externally. She then got in and fired up the engines, coordinates set for Dantooine.

She fired up the communication system and punched in Finn's information.

"Rey!" he answered quickly, much to her relief. "I was starting to worry. How is voodoo practice?"

"Finn. Hi." she started, not sure how to navigate this conversation. "I'm in a bit of trouble. Will you help me?"

"Of course, anything!" he exclaimed, concerned.

"You might want to reconsider agreeing to 'anything'…"


	12. Chapter 12

"Lay it on me, Rey." Finn urged.

Rey took a deep breath and started to summarize all that had happened. "I was on Ahch-To, and Be—Kylo Ren showed up-"

"Did he hurt you? Are you okay?" Finn said frantically. "Are you trying to outrun him? We can probably find some pilots to-"

"No, no. It's not like that, Finn. I'm… fine. B-er-Kylo and I actually came to an… understanding."

"How did he even find you? I'm not following…" Finn sounded like he felt like he was on the verge of being betrayed.

"Listen, Finn, I know this is a lot. Let me finish telling you what happened, okay?"

"Alright…"

"So, I'm not sure how or why we ended up in the same place. I think we were both looking for the same thing, and Ahch-To has both ancient Jedi and Sith temples. Anyway, we eventually came to a truce of sorts. He helped me train, I helped him with meditation. He's not the monster in a mask that you remember, Finn. I know this is a lot."

Finn was quiet for a moment. "What do you need from me, then?" he said flatly.

"One of his generals sent a team to assassinate him on the island. I guess he isn't exactly popular with the First Order either. We defeated them, but one of them had a grenade or something. Ben made sure I was safe, but he got hit." her voice cracked and she looked at his broken body in the trainer's seat. "He's alive, but barely."

There was a momentous pause. "Finn?"

"Yeah, I'm here." he sounded conflicted. "He tried to kill you! He almost killed me!"

"I know. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important." There were tears blinding her vision. "He can help us, the Resistance. He knows so much about the first order, their inner workings."

"Rey, how can we trust his intel? He's done some terrible things. How can we trust him?"

"I trust him. I can't explain everything right now, but he can't lie to me."

She heard Finn scoff. "I don't know Rey… I have a bad feeling about this"

"Finn, I called you because I thought you would be the only one with a prayer of understanding. His beginnings are not that different from yours; taken from his parents as a child, trained to be a fighter from an early age… You were a stormtrooper once. It was all that you ever knew."

"No. I made my choices. I never actually killed anyone."

"Snoke was in his head, whispering thoughts to him from the time he was sent to train with Luke. You of all people know Snoke and what he could do to people, how he could bend people to him will."

"And are you quite sure that Kylo Ren hasn't manipulated you?" Finn was exasperated.

"Please, Finn. I can't let him die." Her voice came out as a sob. "I don't know what else to do. I'm not asking you to understand, I'm asking you to trust me."

There was a pregnant pause. "The Resistance wins by protecting the ones we love." Finn says gravely, things clicking into place in his mind. "I'll talk to Poe… he's not going to like this though, Rey."

"I know. Finn, thank you. I owe you one."

"You might owe me a couple." he chuckled. "Contact me again when you're close. Rose might answer, but you can trust her."

"She's awake!" Rey exclaimed, a wave of happiness washing over her. "That's really great."

"It is." Finn said, a smile in his voice. "She's the reason that I'm going to help you, no matter what Poe says."

"Thank you, Finn."

She put the A-wing on autopilot, pushing the speed up as high as it could do without going into hyperspeed. She reached for Ben's cheek, brushing the blood caked hair out of his face. He was hanging on by a thread.

" _Stay with me, please Ben. I've found help. I just need you to hang on long enough to get there. That's all I ask"_ she pushed into his mind. All she could hear was his weak, thready heartbeat.

It was far too quiet. For the first time in a while, she felt totally and utterly alone. She broke down completely then, pulling his good hand to her chest and letting out big, fat sobs. She had never been so afraid in her life. She unfastened herself from the pilot's chair and curled in his lap, careful to put her weight on his less-damaged half. She laid her head on his shoulder. She longed for him to pull her tightly to him and tell her that it was going to be okay.

But would it? Assuming Finn was able to help her, she was taking a very vulnerable Kylo Ren into a proverbial lion's den.

OOO

"Finn, I'm five minutes from Dantooine's atmosphere." she said, finally pulling herself together.

"You're clear to come through. Listen, Rey, Poe is extremely uneasy about this. He's going to want to hear what happened and he's going to want assurances. For now, all anyone else knows is that you encountered another Force user and he was hurt in a confrontation with the First Order. Nobody has seen Kylo Ren without his mask. People are bound to find out eventually, but Poe is worried that there will be chaos if people know too much too soon."

A wave of relief washed over her. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

"Don't thank me yet. They'll do what they can to save him, but they won't do much else unless Poe thinks he's worth our resources…"

"I'll deal with Poe," she said. "Can you make sure that whatever makeshift med-bay he will be in has an extra chair? I need to stay with him."

"Sure, Rey. I'll see you soon."

ooo

She started to unbuckle Ben before the landing sequence was even complete. Not willing to wait for help, she dragged him up by his good arm and half-carried, half-dragged him off the ship. Finn ran out to greet her with a cart and a few extra hands. The others took Ben from her and whisked him off to the medical bay where the medical droids were standing by. Finn stayed with her, and hugged her tight.

"You look like hell, Rey."

"I feel like Hell." she said, with a humorless laugh. "Where are they taking him?" she said, moving in the direction that they had taken him. Just then, Poe Dameron sauntered out of the hanger bay, his arms crossed, frowning in her direction. Rey sighed. "Finn, can you go watch over Ben? I know I've asked for so much, but I-"

"I get it. I'll go. Good luck," he said with a small smile on his face, patting her on the back. "I get to talk to you next though, okay."

"Yes, of course. Thank you. I'm sorry for asking so much."

"You'd do the same for me if I ever fell in love with the enemy." he mused.

"Who said that I'm-"

"Save it Rey. I know." he said with a sad smile.

"You and Rose…?" Rey asked.

"Oh yes. We'll talk later." he said with a crooked smile and a wink. "I'm going to go make sure Kylo freaking Ren has a chance at life now."

"Thank you, Finn. I don't know what I'd do without you. Come find me if something happens." She said, though she would probably know if something did before him. She was keeping the bond wide open, exhausted as her mind may be.


	13. Chapter 13

She followed Poe to his quarters without speaking. He had officially taken over Leia's room and office. It was strange. Many of Leia's touches had remained. Rey sat on the edge of a chair facing the General's desk. They stared at each other for a moment before he broke the silence.

"You've had some adventure, huh?" he said flatly.

"You could say that. Thank you for letting me bring him here," she said, her tone even and formal.

"Don't thank me yet, sweetheart. He still will have to make up for what he's done. I'm not sure why I shouldn't just send him back to the First Order and let them decide what to do with him. He would not be dealt with so kindly there, I reckon." his expression was unreadable.

'Dealt with?' she thought. She sucked in a deep breath. "General Dameron-"

"Enough with the formalities, Rey. I'm Poe to you."

"Okay, Poe," she started, trying to remain calm. "I realize that this situation is complicated, he is an invaluable resource. He is a powerful force user and he knows the First Order. He can help us change the tides."

"Why do you trust him?" he asked genuinely.

"We have a connection," she admitted, seeing no other way around it. "We can read each other's thoughts if we want. Talk to each other without speaking. Sometimes, I can feel what he's feeling. He literally can't lie to me. I don't know why we have it, but it seems to be something we are stuck with."

Poe looks surprised and considers that for a moment. "I gotta be honest, I'm struggling with this. Rey, can I trust you? You didn't call us when Kylo Ren came to the island. What secrets of ours does he know, if you have this connection?"

"You absolutely can. My allegiance is to the Resistance," she said, a little more aggressively than she intended. "That has not changed. The only thing that has changed is that I brought another powerful Force user back with me to help fight the First Order."

He scoffed, "So, he agreed to join the Resistance before or after he nearly got blown up? Or has he not had time to process that he was such an incompetent leader that his own men came to kill him?"

Her fists clenched and she bit her tongue so hard that she tasted blood. "He is not the monster you think he is. You have my word that he will cooperate. He will fight for the Resistance by my side to help dismantle the First Order."

Poe softened a bit, realizing that he had pushed her too far. "Rey, I believe in you. This is just difficult for me to understand. I have been on the receiving end of Kylo Ren's torture before." he paused, standing to walk to her side of the desk. He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Against my better judgment, we will do what we can for him. We have lost so much. We can't lose you too."

"I'm sorry for all of this," she murmured. "I know that I'm asking for a lot of faith. I won't let you down."

"I believe that, but I'll be holding you to your promises. I may need you to run some missions and go court potential allies eventually."

"Yes, sir," she said, feeling drained.

"Go take a trip to the 'fresher. You're covered in dried blood, dirt, and Gods know what else. If I need to find you, can I assume that you'll be with him?"

She nodded.

"Okay. We'll be in touch," he said with a curt nod, dismissing her.

After hurriedly scrubbing the day off of her body, Rey practically ran to the med bay. The unit had been the brig at one point, she noticed with a grimace. There were no available functioning bacta tanks here, just old medical beds. She was escorted to a room at the end of the hallway.

She paused at the doorway of the place where he was laying. His pulse was a little stronger, but she still couldn't feel him through the bond. A little medical droid was fussing with some of the bacta soaked bandages they were using to hold Ben together. She approached the bed and tears stung her eyes. He looked so small, even though his long legs hung off the edge of the bed. His skin was impossibly pale from his blood loss. To her added horror, she noticed glinting metal where much of his left arm and leg used to be.

"Cybernetics?" she asked the droid.

"Yes," beeped the little droid in binary. "The organic material was not salvageable. General Dameron approved the placement of the prosthetics to preserve function."

She nodded to the droid. "Thank you. What else can you tell me?"

"The male patient lost an estimated 40% of his total blood volume. Volume loss caused some end-organ damage that may or may not be reversible. The tourniquets the patient came with greatly improved his chance of survival. Spleen was removed as it was on the verge of rupture. There is significant soft tissue damage throughout but mostly concentrated on his left flank and back. Second, to third-degree burns covering 30% of the remaining body. Treatment will consist of monitoring, bacta bandaging, burn salves, and sedation to allow for optimal healing. Current estimates suggest his chance for survival is 52.1% with the materials available here."

Rey allowed herself to feel some relief at that. For once, the odds were ever so slightly in their favor. She took his flesh-and-bone hand in hers, kissing the back of it gently, fearing too much contact would cause him to crumble. She took her free hand and lightly brushed his dark curls away from his face. He looked unsettlingly peaceful. _Oh, Ben. I'm so sorry._

A gagging sound and a giggle caused her to spin around. Sitting in the back corner against the wall she had come in, Finn was sitting with a small framed woman in his lap.

"Sorry," Rey mumbled, looking embarrassed. "I didn't notice you guys."

Rose hopped up, crossed the room, and offered Rey a hand to shake. "You're Rey!" she said, obviously trying to tone down her amazement.

"And you're Rose." Rey regarded kindly, taking her hand. "It's nice to meet you. Well, now that you're aware. Thank you for saving my best friend from his heroics."

Rose flushed. "And thank you for, well, everything!" She was practically vibrating with excitement.

Rey simply nodded in response. "I appreciate you keeping Finn company while he watched over… my friend here. I know that some might be rather… put-off by the idea of him." she said, gesturing towards Ben.

"Finn explained," she said, her face darkening slightly. "I- I think people can change. He's not so intimidating like this anyway."

She chuckled a bit at that. "Without the mask and barely living? Practically a kitten."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

Rey waved a hand in dismissal. "I understand."

Finn stepped up and draped an arm over Rose's shoulders. She melted into his side. Finn kissed the top of her head, a hint of a smile on his lips. They were quite cute together, she thought. The sight of the two of them gave Rey a pang of jealousy, though. Not that she was jealous of Rose, but she missed Ben.

"Do you want us to walk you to your quarters?" Finn asked.

"No, I'm going to stay here." She replied a little too quickly.

Finn sighed but nodded. "You could use some rest, Rey… but I get it. I'll come by tomorrow and take a turn with him so you can rest."

"Thank you, Finn. Rose." Rey said softly. "Have a good night."

Hugs were exchanged as they left. She pulled the chair they had been sitting on next to the bed and she watched the med droid roll Ben to his right side to remove and replace Ben's bandages, dispensing burn salve generously. From what she could see, burns expanded across his entire left side, ranging from just shy of his navel, the middle of his chest, the left side of his neck, much of his left cheek, down his back, expanding to his right back dimple. There were deep gouges from shrapnel concentrated on his side, diffusely scattering over the rest of his body. The cybernetic prosthetic of his arm started half-way to his shoulder. The machinery looked to be a slightly older model, but it was likely all they had. She needed to remember to thank Poe for that later.

"The bandages need to be replaced every 3 hours," the droid blipped to Rey. "I am going to remove the blanket and treat his lower half now. Will this offend you or will you stay?"

"I'll stay, thank you," she said, a nervous tremor in her voice. She averted her eyes but was unwilling to leave. "Can you tell me about the damage to his- er- lower half?"

"Certainly," the droid whirred. "The organic material of much of the left leg was removed and replaced with a cybernetic prosthetic. The hip joint was salvageable, but the most of the femur was shattered and causing substantial blood loss. The soft tissue over the hip is burned considerably, but much of the inguinal area was spared."

Rey blinked. He had lost basically his entire leg and most of his arm. He was undeniably strong, but this was going to be a setback. He was going to need her more than ever. The soft tissue damage was nothing to scoff at either. She prayed that he would stay free of infection. If he survived this, he was going to scar, badly. A reality that she knew would bother him more than her.

After a while, the med droid eventually left the room, leaving them alone. Well, her alone. He was physically there, but his side of the bond was still eerily quiet. Exhaustion and sadness stung her eyes. She raised his bed slightly so she could rest her head on her folded arms. She picked up his hand and placed it on her arm, needing the contact. She watched the rise and fall of his chest, taking comfort in the simple visual. Despite her fight, her eyes eventually fluttered shut. Restlessly, she drifted.

At some point, she opened her eyes to find herself back on Ahch-To. The field, she realized. She was running away from something. She turned to her left to see how much space she had put behind her when everything went white. Pain seared through her body, a strangled cry coming from her lips. Her ears were ringing and the pain was building to a blinding throb.

"BEN."

She could hardly breathe. She was dying and fading quickly. She forced her eyes open and was met with her own face, frantic and twisted with pain.

"Ben! Ben! Stay with me." her own likeness screamed, tears running down her face.

"You came" his voice sputtered as though it was coming from herself.

This was a dream. No. A memory she was seeing from Ben's side, she realized deep within her.

"Shhhh, don't speak. Of course I came." Rey's figure said as calmly as she could, applying pressure to another area on his side. The vision was getting really fuzzy around the edges and spots were starting to form in his/her vision.

Ben's hand up reached up to her face. "My scavenger…"

"I've got you, Ben. It's going to be okay." She said, trying to sound reassuring. She kept her hands on his side but leaned her face towards his hand.

"Rey, it's okay…"

"Don't you do this to me, Ben Solo." she choked out. She leaned down and kissed Ben's forehead before leaning her own against his.

"I love you," he said, but it sounded like goodbye.

"I know. Oh, Ben, I know. Stay with me. Please."

Ben felt a pang of disappointment that dissipated quickly. She was there. That was all that mattered. Rey felt him let go.

Rey shot awake, panting. She could still feel the pain from the explosion. She looked at Ben. His face was now flushed and his eyes were fluttering. She stood and bent over him, placing her hand on his cheek.

"Rey?"


	14. Chapter 14

His voice was weak and cracked from lack of use. His eyes were surprised and warm, the pain not yet reaching them. Tears sprung up in Rey's eyes as they found each other. She had been so afraid that she would never look into his impossibly dark eyes again.

"Hi," she whispered, rubbing her thumb against his cheek. All of the things she wanted to stay clogged her throat. The greeting was all that she could muster.

"You're here." he croaked out.

"Of course I am," she whispered, lowering her face to nuzzle her nose against his.

He reached for her then, aching to be sure that she was real. The glint of his metallic left hand made him freeze as he was reaching to tuck a rouge tendril of hair behind her ear, panic taking over his face. She tentatively reached out and clasped the prosthesis in her own hand, bringing it to rest on her cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Ben," she whispered soothingly. "I know it will be an adjustment, but you don't have to do it alone."

His expression became hard and unreadable. He looked away from her and clenched his natural fist, dropping the metallic one from her cheek. The pain washed over him now, his reverie broken. His skin burned and he became aware of a deep, blinding ache. Taking stock of himself, he noticed that his arm was not the only cybernetic adjustment that was made. He weakly yelled out in agony and frustration. Rey's hands fluttered over him, trying to find something to soothe.

"He's awake, then?"

Rey turned slightly toward Finn. "Yeah. Can you give us a moment though?"

Ben recognized the man in the doorway. His anger rose. "Rey, where did you take me?" Ben's voice was harsh, his tone one of betrayal.

"Ben, I didn't have much of a choice," she said her voice gentle. "You were-"

"Dying. About to be free of my tormented life. You should have let me," he hissed. "Instead you brought me here to be mangled. You brought me to the feet of my enemies."

She stood up, looking wounded. "Your own men tried to kill you. The Resistance helped you, despite everything-"

"At what cost?" he snarled.

Angry tears ran down Rey's face. "You. Are. Impossible.", she hissed. Waving a hand in exasperation. With that motion, Ben crumpled back to sleep.

"Uh, Rey?" Finn's jaw was agape, his expression a mixture of surprise and confusion.

"The force. I made him sleep again. Maybe he'll have better sense when he wakes," she explained darkly.

"Ah, right," he said with a smirk playing on his lips. "I brought you some caffa."

"Thank you," she said with a weak smile that didn't touch her eyes. "Do you mind staying here for a bit? I need to take a walk or something."

"Uhhh. Sure? Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Sorry you had to see all of that. Do you have a blaster?"

"Yeah…"

"Set it to stun. You have my permission to hit him if he wakes again and is acting like- like Kylo Ren again."

Finn laughed at that. "You don't have to tell me twice."

Rey hugged her friend and took the caffa. "I promise that he's not always that… unreasonable. This is a lot for him to process, I'm sure."

"That's not an excuse, Rey…"

"I know. He won't get away from talking to me like that. I'm going to track down that med droid. Then I'm going to find my quarters. Maybe hit the 'fresher."

"Okay. My blaster is set to stun. See you soon." he hugged her again and placed a friendly kiss on her cheek. "You need to take care of yourself, too."

OOOOO

When Ben woke again, she wasn't there. Instead, his gaze fell on the traitorous stormtrooper that he was a bit surprised to find alive. Finn met his gaze boldly, a blaster trained on Ben's chest.

"Are you going to kill me?" Ben asked cooly.

"No, Rey would kill me," Finn retorted with a tinge of regret. "She scares me more than you do right now."

Ben scoffed and barked a humorless laugh. "Where is she?" he snarled.

"Hopefully taking care of herself for once," Finn said, his tone biting. "She's been focused on protecting your ungrateful self."

Ben rolled his eyes and tried to push himself up in a show of intimidation. The pain took the air from his lungs and he fell back against the bed. Finn laughed.

"How dare you," Ben hissed venomously.

"No, how dare YOU." Finn retorted, his voice rising. "Rey, despite all reason, loves you. She put herself, her de-facto family, her cause, and people's trust in her at risk to save your life. You should have died, but she couldn't let you. She convinced our general that you were worth saving, even though you are responsible for the deaths of thousands of our fighters, allies, family, and friends. She has barely left your side since you got here, afraid that someone would find out who you were and would try to take justice into their own hands." The former stormtrooper was on his feet now, looming over Ben with fury in his eyes.

Ben's hard expression softened with realization and regret. "Don't you want revenge?" Ben asked, his eyes flitting towards the blaster that was still trained on his chest.

"Of course I do," Finn spat. "but I believe in Rey. She was my first friend. She's like the family I've never had. She deserves better than you."

"You're right," Ben stated matter-of-factly with a sigh.

The admission threw Finn off. Finn sat back in the chair. "At least you know," he said flatly.

The medical droid whirred into the room to attend to Ben's bandages, and the pair settled into an uncomfortable silence in the air. For the first time, Ben took true stock of his injuries. Indeed, he was lucky to be alive. He was likely not out of the woods yet either. If he did recover, his body would be covered in grotesque scars. He gritted his teeth together as the med droid applied bacta and burn salve to his injuries.

Finn watched his face as it twisted in pain. It was so initially so strange to see the face of the man behind the mask. Now, he looked on in awe and horror as he saw the pain manifest on his face. He was human after all. For some reason, the realization was jarring. Maybe, if Kylo, or, Ben, was capable of experiencing pain like this, maybe Rey wasn't wrong about some other things.

"What are you looking at?" Ben hissed at Finn, noticing his stare.

"I'm just noticing how human you are," Finn said a little tauntingly.

Rey appeared in the door again, her hair damp and loose. "He's awake again?" she asked Finn, making a point to avoid looking at Ben. Ben pushed his apology towards the bond, but she didn't acknowledge it.

Finn nodded. "He didn't give me too much trouble. A kitten indeed," he remarked with a wink to his friend.

Rey laughed. "Thanks for looking after him. Sorry you didn't get to stun him."

"I can't imagine that would have improved his mood"

"You're probably right," she chuckled. "Rose is looking for you. I can take back over."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I can handle it."

They hugged and Finn nodded curtly at Ben. "Are you going to behave?" he asked Ben.

Ben nodded, sucking air through his teeth as the med droid prodded at something tender. Finn chuckled in response, finding his discomfort to be oddly satisfying.

After Finn left, Rey sat down but refused to look at Ben. She was upset and the silence was almost painful to him. "I'm sorry," he whispered, reaching his good hand towards her.

She nodded, but still refused to look at him and rejected his touch. Instead, she stared intently at the med droid. Ben tried to push his feelings of regret through the bond, but she was guarded and he was weak. The droid finished up with the bandages and injected Ben with something to ease the pain before wheeling out of the room.

After a while, he spoke up again. "Rey, please look at me."

She shook her head, looking intently at the floor.

"Please," he implored. "My behavior was inexcusable. I know you just did what you thought was right."

"What I thought was right?" she hissed. "Was I supposed to just let you die on our island in my arms like that? Was I supposed to let the traitorous First Order win?" She looked at him then, her eyes hard and angry. "Those were not options. This was our only hope."

"Okay. I'm alive, but for what?" he asked as gently as he could. "What future is there for me, if the Resistance allows me to live?" he asked, gesturing at his battered body.

"The Resistance saved you. Used precious resources on you. They see your value, despite it all. You're still powerful. You can overcome this. I intend to make sure that you do." she explained evenly

"You believe in me." he half-asked, half-stated. "Or, at least you did."

She nodded, her expression softening but unreadable.

"And you loved me" his voice came out trembling.

"I do love you, Ben," she said quietly and earnestly. "I physically couldn't let you die. I wouldn't have survived that."

His expression was surprised and his dark eyes filled with emotion. His heart skipped a beat and suddenly started to beat more quickly, the monitors giving him away. He reached for her again but this time she relented lacing her fingers with his.

"I didn't tell you on Ahch-To because I was afraid," she said quietly, her voice uneven. "When you said it, you were dying. It sounded like you were saying goodbye, and I didn't want to say goodbye yet."

He squeezed her hand. "I said it then because, as we battled Hux's would be assassins together, for the first time, I knew that my love for you wasn't a weakness. I wanted you to know that if it was the last thing I could tell you."

Her lips found his then. Her kiss was careful like she was afraid to hurt him. He kissed her back and reached to cradle her face with both hands.

"Does this bother you?" he asked, referring to his cybernetic hand.

"Not at all," she said reassuringly.

"Can you… come into the bed with me?" he asked quietly, sheepishly. He ached to be near her, feeling so full of emotion that he might burst.

Very carefully, she obliged. She gingerly settled against his right side. He wrapped his right arm around her, cupping the small of her back and pulling her flush against him. He buried his face in her damp hair. They both sighed with contentment and relief at being so near each other.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I know."


	15. Chapter 15

Ben gained more strength every day. Soon, the dead and burnt flesh peeled away to reveal new pink skin. The pain was still present, but much more manageable. With Rey's help, he even was able to walk around the medical bay a bit. He was still frustratingly clumsy with his new appendage, much to his agitation, but Rey assured him that he just needed to practice. She also helped him to gain control of his new hand, bringing him different objects to twirl around, move, and manipulate. His fine motor skills with his new hand left something to be desired, but it was a vast improvement over the lack of control he had over the first several days.

Rey only left his side for a few hours a day so that she could continue to train and master her forms. When she left, Finn or Rose would replace her. Those few hours were often tense and uncomfortable, but he didn't feel the animosity oozing from them as he had in his first few days. When Rey returned, they would often meditate and she would encourage him to work on using the force in small ways.

Sometimes, they would argue when he grew frustrated with his surroundings or his new challenges. He longed to go outside and train with her, but he was still weak and the Resistance leadership was trying to keep Ben contained to preserve his anonymity. He felt more like a prisoner than a patient, but what else could he expect?

"I've been here for two kriffing weeks, Rey. Are they just going to keep me here indefinitely?"

"The general has to make the call about what happens next. The medical droids agree that your progress has been impressive, but you still have healing to do. Your blood work wasn't perfect. I think they will take the rest of your stitches out today though," Rey explained a little impatiently. This had become a daily disagreement.

"I feel fine. I've been hearing all about this general. Where is he? When is he going to come deal with me."

"Funny you should ask," Poe Dameron said, sauntering into his room.

Rey rose from her chair to hug Poe. "How were your travels?" she asked.

"Productive. Informative," he said casually, eying Rey in a way that was almost too friendly.

Ben cleared his throat, feeling rather stiff and uncomfortable. "I recognize you," he said. "You're the pilot from Starkiller… Captain Dameron, is it?"

"General Dameron," he said pointedly, his distrust coming off of him in waves.

"Ah," Ben said, his eyebrows raising in surprise before his expression settled into his signature pout. "Congratulations are in order."

Poe nodded in acceptance. He wasn't great at being diplomatic, but he was trying. "You're the lucky one, Ren. I don't know what Rey sees in you. I only hope that my gamble pays off."

It was Rey's turn to clear her throat. "Are you here to discuss your gamble, General?"

"Yeah. I hear that he's healing up quite nicely."

"He is. He will need time for his body to rehabilitate to regain all of his strength."

"Hm, well, for now, we could use his knowledge," he turned to Ben. "We're interested in taking some key supplies from First Order store houses. I trust you could help us with that without causing a scene?"

Ben nodded, feeling uneasy. Despite being ousted, he was uncomfortable about the idea of destroying the entity that he had spent his life building up. Rey sensed his conflict and she clasped his hand reassuringly. " _We have a chance to build something better here,"_ she said through the bond.

"That will be a start," Poe said, it came out like an order. "What can you tell me about the Knights of Ren? Since your de facto assassination, our intel suggests that the knights have been underground."

Ben frowned. "It's a group of seven force users, including myself, who trained under Luke Skywalker for a time. Some of them may have apprentices now. I was their leader."

"I wonder if they would be interested in joining our side if the First Order is no longer friendly." Poe mused.

Ben's face darkened. "You want me to recruit them? How, without revealing who I am or our position here?"

"I suppose you might have to do some traveling. Rey will join you, of course. I'll let you work out the details. I'm guessing that you'll need to get better on that peg leg of yours first though. For now, I'll get you a list of things we're interested in swiping from your old supply houses, and you can enlighten me about how to go about getting them."

Ben just nodded, trying to control his anger.

"One more thing," Poe started. The pilot swung hard at Ben and made contact with his jaw, making a sickening cracking noise and busting open his knuckles. Rey dug her nails into Ben wrists, warning him to not react. "That's for getting in my head at the Starkiller Base."

A snarl formed on Ben's lips and he spat blood, but he stayed put and stayed silent. Poe cradled his own hand, nodding his goodbye to Rey as he made his exit.

As soon as Poe was out of earshot, Ben slammed his hands against the mattress and yelled. Rey carefully got up to go find some ice for his jaw. When she returned, Ben was trying to untangle himself from the blankets to get up.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asked gently.

"I don't know!" he half shouted. "I can't sit anymore."

She helped him to get free of the blankets and she helped him get to the edge of the bed before standing in front of him, stopping him. She pressed the ice pack to his already swollen jaw. He hissed in response, his hands gripping the fitted sheet on the mattress. His anger and frustration seeped through the bond. She kissed his forehead.

 _I can't work with him, Rey. He's impossibly arrogant and crass and-_

 _You don't have much of a choice, Ben._

 _I want to leave the Knights of Ren out of this. They certainly can't see me in my current state. I'm not even sure that I could find them._

"Tell me about the Knights," Rey asked out loud, placing the icepack aside and sitting next to him. "I don't think we've ever talked about them."

He took her hand in his and kissed her knuckles as a way of soothing himself. The anger was still burning in his chest, but she was doing her part to ease the fire. "When I left Luke's temple that night, some of the other Padawans wanted to join me. That night was my first real battle. Those loyal to Luke stood up to stop us."

There was something like regret in his voice. Absently, Rey wrapped an arm around his back and rubbed soothing circles. Ben shivered at the touch. "The others struck first. I was so full of rage and darkness that I didn't hold back though. We burned the temple to burn the dead. We didn't have enough time to get pyres together. I knew Luke would wake up before long, and Snoke was expecting us."

Rey simply nodded. Her heart sunk with the knowledge of what he did. She pushed out the memories that he didn't realize he was offering her and she blinked away some tears. She felt deeply for the Padawans who stood up to Ben and the others, she felt deeply for Luke, she felt deeply for a young, scared, dark-enveloped Ben Solo. Or was it a young Kylo Ren?

"You know that we're one in the same, right?" he whispered gently. "You call me Ben. I love the way it sounds on your lips, but the boy I was is not who I am. I am also Kylo Ren. The darkness still calls to me, runs through my veins."

"I won't call you by that name," she said, sounding angrier than she intended.

"I won't ask you to."

"Do you still choose darkness? After everything?" she hissed.

He was quiet for a moment, but he placed his hand under her chin and gently forced her to look into his molten eyes. "First and foremost, I choose you," he murmured. "The darkness will always be there, it always has been there, but so will the light that you've seen since the beginning. I don't deal in absolutes when it comes to the Force. Not anymore. I just know that I'm stronger and more one with the Force when you're with me. I don't want to try and do it alone anymore."

Her face flushed and her stomach flipped at his intensity. His ensuing kiss was as tender and intense as his expression, leaving Rey a bit breathless. Their bond hummed contentedly as if cheering them on. Rey nuzzled his nose and placed a hand on his chest, enjoying the quick thumping of his heart through the flimsy medical gown. Her need for him grew suddenly, and her lips were back on his. The kisses were deep and filled with the intense emotions of the day. Ben pulled Rey across his lap when there was a timid knock on the door frame.

"Um. Rey?" Rose said awkwardly. "Did you want to go train today?"

They broke apart quickly, flushing with embarrassment.

"Yeah. Thanks, Rose." Rey said somewhat breathlessly. With a kiss on a flustered Ben's face, she hurried out of the room.


	16. Chapter 16

"Here," Rose said, tossing a stack of papers on the bed before moving to her seat in the corner. "From the General."

"Thank you," he said politely.

He rifled through the papers. It was a list of supplies that they needed complete with pictures and description. He had been in the business of enforcement, not day-to-day operations. Of course, he knew where the supply houses were, but he was less sure about the contents. He was also distracted by the daggers that Rose was shooting him from across the room. Her disdain for him was on display more than usual.

"You hate me," he stated matter-of-factly.

She didn't reply, but her eyes narrowed.

"Tell me, Rose," he asked cooly "What offense have I made against you specifically?"

She ignored him. He sighed. "I appreciate your friendship with Rey. She is quite special to me. I'm glad she has friends that are like family. Family is important to her," he said somewhat awkwardly, trying to temper his frustration.

Rose scoffed at him and started to play with the pendant around her neck, avoiding his gaze altogether.

"That necklace. I've never seen you without it," he remarked. "It must be important."

She looked at him then, anger in her eyes. "It is. My sister had a matching one."

There was a sadness in her eyes that Ben noticed. She had said, "had", hadn't she? She had probably been another Resistance fighter. "I'm sorry for your loss," he said.

She huffed. "She died while we were trying to get off D'Qar. Her last act was to take out a dreadnought," she said her voice thick with pride and emotion. "We came to the Resistance together after escaping our home on Hays Minor."

He understood more fully now. From the top, it could be easy to forget all of the regular people that are affected by your actions, especially when darkness consumes you unchecked. Such was war. Hays Minor had been a site for testing new weapons, taking children for the stormtrooper program, and a valuable source of income for the First Order. He felt the darkness within him bristle as he tried to put himself in her shoes. Of course she hated him.

"I hope that, in some small way, I am able to right some of the wrongs I committed as a contributor to the First Order."

She nodded in his direction. "Rey thinks that you can help us rise up again. The Resistance will win by protecting the people we love instead of fighting out of hate. If you love her, we might have a chance," she said, echoing words that sounded strangely familiar to him. "That doesn't mean that I have to like you," she added, her face hard.

"Fair enough," he said evenly. His attempts at friendship had exhausted him.

OOO

Rey returned a while later, looking refreshed and at peace. He thought about how beautiful she was after her training and refresher break. She came back with a renewed spirit. He hadn't been able to use a refresher since he got there, settling for sponge baths given by less-than-gentle droids. The last of his stitches had been removed while Rose was babysitting. Perhaps he could get permission.

After she and Rose had finished talking about something or other, Rey practically skipped to his side and planted a casual kiss on his lips. Their familiarity still surprised him sometimes.

"Stitches are out?" she asked.

"Indeed they are," he retorted a crooked smile appearing on his face.

"I'll find a med droid about getting you to the 'fresher," she said.

"Will you be joining me?" he asked mischievously, a little darkside in his eyes.

She rolled her eyes. "No, but I'll help you get there, and I'll stay close in case you need help or something. We need to work on your balance."

He rolled his eyes this time. "So I've heard."

"Your physical balance, you scruffy nerve burner," she said affectionately. "You're not great with your new leg." She left him with another quick kiss.

"Scruffy nerve burner," he thought. It reminded him a bit of the terms of endearment that his parents used. They always bordered on insults. He wasn't sure how he felt about keeping that trend alive. His father mostly called his mother "sweetheart." If they were bickering, he preferred "your most highness", "your worshipfulness", or "your grace." The memory almost made him smile, but instead he was left feeling cold.

Rey returned before long and offered him her hand. He was clear to go to the refresher. He gave a small smile and he let her help him up. Once he was on his feet, she draped one of his arms over her shoulders and wrapped one of her own over his waist. To the untrained eye, they just looked like lovers. The closeness was not purely out of affection, but he needed a little help walking with only one natural leg. If she was impatient at his pace, she never showed it. She never made a face when he would occasionally stumble. She would just steady him, sometimes planting a kiss wherever she could reach in encouragement.

When they got to the bathroom, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. The sight stopped him in his tracks and nearly caused them both to topple over. "Scruffy" had been an astute way to describe him. His stubble was striking against his pale skin. He couldn't recall when he had last shaved. His long hair was disheveled and ill-kept. His cheek bones stood out prominently from weight loss. The scar she had given him was prominent as ever, but the other side of his face was patched with pale pink scarring near his jawbone. The scarring descended…

"Help me take off the infirmary gown," he asked, his mouth suddenly dry. "please."

She looked at him with concern, but obliged, untying the back of the gown and leaving him standing in the bathroom wearing nothing but a flimsy pair of drawstring pants.

His mouth gaped as he took in the extent of his injuries. Burn scars covered most of his left side and much of his torso. Scars from schrapnel and surgery stood out as white lines scattered over him. His limbs looked foreign to him, the metal interrupting the skin and bone violently. His body showed evidence of underuse. Kylo Ren/Ben was a vain man. He was disgusted by the form that he took in.

"Ben?" she said tentatively, reading his thoughts. "I'm so sorry."

He had nearly forgotten she was there. "You once called me a monster. At least I now look the part," he said darkly.

She lightly traced the visible border of his burn scars, making him shiver. "You're no monster, Ben," she whispered. "Just a man. A man with lots of stories of survival, loss, pain, missteps. A man worth saving one-hundred times over." Her voice was low and reverent as she took him in.

He watched her now. Her expression one of awe and love. She looked at him like he was the most precious thing in the world. She looked a little sad too, wishing that she could retroactively protect him more.

"You aren't put off by all of this?" he asked quietly.

"Of course not," she said turning his attention to his eyes. "You're a sight to behold. If your worried about your strength, that can be worked on. None of this," she said gesturing over his body. "Bothers me one bit."

He reached into her mind a bit, looking sheepishly for evidence of a lie. He found none. She rose up to kiss him soft, but with an open mouth. She wanted him, much to his surprise. He kissed her back deeply, his desire obvious as well. Her hand trailed over his bare chest, causing him to pull her tight against him. He broke away not wanting to get too carried away in the relatively public area. Instead, he rested his cheek on the top of her head, looking at the pair of them in the mirror. The image delighted him. Her head and her hands were resting on his chest, her loose hair obscuring her face a bit. Her body was pressed flush with his. His arms were wrapped around her waist and up her back. It was enough.


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you guys so much for sticking around! Updates will be a little more sparse as I am a graduate student and classes have resumed. I love hearing your thoughts on my little story. I did get a comment about the whole "scruffy nerve burner" thing. I know that the original insult was "scruffy-looking-nerf-herder". I wanted this to be reminiscent of Leia, but not totally the same. Nerve burner is another slang term that comes from Star Wars lore. Perhaps it was too close to be remotely subtle. I love that fans are paying attention to my word choice, nonetheless! Please enjoy this next bit!**

Since Ben had been given the okay to shower, Rey had been forcing him to get up and take walks around the med bay with her. Before long, Ben was able to get around without too much assistance, but grace was still lacking and he still fatigued fairly easily. Rey was ever patient, but Ben grew increasingly restless and frustrated with his new setbacks. He was itching to get out of the med bay and do some real training; preferably the type of training that would allow him to destroy things. For Ben, the days passed painfully slowly.

Finally, one morning the pair woke up to the beeping and whirring of a med droid. This was not unusual, but this particular morning the droid came with the news that Ben was to be discharged into Rey's supervision with strict instructions to come to the med bay at least once a week to be looked over.

"You'll be staying in my quarters, I believe," Rey said, more than a little excited to be back in her own little space. "Shall we head there first?"

He nodded, ready for a change of scenery. They packed up what things they had and she took his hand to lead him to their room. Suddenly, Ben was apprehensive about being seen by the other Resistance fighters.

"Most people on base just think that you're a force sensitive that I stumbled while I was training," Rey said to him, reading his thoughts casually. "Poe, Rose, Finn, and I are the only ones who know. People don't know your face. I guess the mask was good for something," she said with a sly wink.

"Funny," he remarked flatly, though the corners of his lips turned up.

Rey presented him with a simple tan t-shirt, which he pulled over his head. The shirt was snug. So much so that it elicited a lovely blush on Rey's cheeks. Somehow, seeing him in the tight shirt with the loose med bay provided pants was almost as intense as seeing him bare-chested.

"We should see about finding you some clothes," she murmured, chewing her lip a bit as she looked him over.

Ben smirked. "Not a bad idea, scavenger. Can't have you getting too distracted while I'm under your supervision," he said with humor in his voice. He liked the way she looked at him. Despite his own feelings about his current form, he felt a wave of egotism wash over him.

She playfully hit him on the arm. "Let's go. This room suddenly seems too small for the size of your head."

She took his hand and led him through the tunnels of the base. It was early enough in the morning that it seemed like most people were either still in their sleeping quarters or were busy getting ready for the day. The few people that they did see looked them both over curiously but didn't say anything besides simple pleasantries. A few more combed their eyes over Ben a bit more thoroughly than either of them liked. She squeezed his hand reassuringly, feeling his discomfort through their bond. After what seemed like an eternity, Rey slid open a door at the end of a hall of rooms. The room was simple and small.

"I know that it's not much," Rey said quietly. "but I hope you can make yourself at home."

Ben simply nodded in response, suddenly feeling like he was intruding on something personal. A strange thought, since he was literally in her head. Still, there was something intimate about being in someone's personal space. There was a table by her bed that held her few worldly possessions. Someone had rolled an extra cot into the room. They both smirked at that and exchanged a sideways glance, knowing that it likely wouldn't get much use. On the intruding cot, there was a stack of clothes with a holopad sitting on top.

Ben picked it up. "Rey," he read. "On our last supply run, I thought that Ben might need some real clothes. The med droids helped me figure out sizing. I didn't know what he wore, so I tried to pick something similar to what you wear. I hope this gives you one less thing to worry about! Let Finn and I know once you're settled back in. Yours, Rose."

Ben put the holopad down and thumbed through the clothes feeling a bit humbled. He knew that Rose had been thinking of Rey, but he appreciated the gesture. Rose had picked a selection of tunics, trousers, underthings, belts, and robes in dark greys, blues, reds, and browns. There were a few sets of gloves and a new pair of boots as well.

Rey slipped her hand back into his. "That's so kind of her," she murmured. "She even got your shade."

He chuckled a bit at that. "Noticeably no black though."

She wrapped her arms around his waist, hiding a smile on his shoulder. "What would you like to do today?"

"Can we train?"

"Sure, but no sabers until you know how to use your new hardware."

He grimaced at that. She was right, of course. Panic rose in him as it suddenly occurred to Ben that he hadn't seen his saber since Ahch-to.

Without a word, Rey moved to her cot and lifted the pillow. Underneath was his saber. "You really think I would lose track of that thing?"

OOO

They spent the rest of the morning finding a place that would work for training. They eventually settled on a small clearing in the woods. There were good cover and enough privacy that they should be able to work without an audience. The downside was that the site was a mile or so away from the base. Of course, that wouldn't have normally been an issue, but walking through the woods tired Ben rather quickly. Once they decided that this was the place, Rey plopped down on the ground.

"Shall we meditate?" she asked, offering him both of her hands.

Rather gracelessly, Ben sat next across from her and linked her fingers with his. "We can," he said.

"Would you rather do something else?"

Ben shrugged. His mood was rather dark. It made Rey incredibly uneasy. He had been withdrawing from her a bit over the last few days. She could sense that the darkness was swirling more actively. Focusing on his energy, she felt the dark side was more active than since early on Ahch-To. He opened his mind to her a bit, too exhausted and frustrated to use his words for now. She felt his fear at being in a new place with people he didn't trust, his fear of never regaining his strength and never mastering the use of his cybernetics, his uncertainty for the future, his struggle to see his place in all of this now, his fear of not being good enough for her, his fear of abandonment, his general anger.

She rose to her knees, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him. She pulled away to catch his eyes, but he kept them downturned. "Look at me, Ben."

Slowly, he did as she asked. His face in his signature pout.

"One," she started, speaking intensely but softly. "I'm not going anywhere. I don't care if you never become as powerful as you were. Your power isn't what brought me to you. You did."

He opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off.

"Secondly," she said rising to her feet. "I once told you that I needed someone to show me my place in all of this. Now, I'm going to help you find yours." She reached out a hand to him. "Let's get to work."

He took her hand and she helped him to his feet. She tossed him a training club she had borrowed from Poe's training materials and she wielded her staff. As they sparred, she refused to take it easy on him, goading him on, knowing that his frustration could be a source of power for him. At the most basic level, his power primarily came from the darkness. She had resolved to accept that and use it to help sharpen him until he was strong enough to train with the light too.

Her theory proved to be right. Early, he left himself open for a cheap shot to the ribs and she took it, only holding back enough that she knew she wouldn't do any real damage. He doubled over with a groan and a hiss of air through his teeth.

"Is that the best you've got for me, Master of the Knights of Ren?" she said goadingly.

"Former Master," he spat.

"Again," she demanded. "I would have a harder time defeating a skittermouse on Jakku than you right now."

He advanced quickly attempting to surprise her. She easily sidestepped him and swept his feet out from underneath of him, knocking him to the ground.

"C'mon Ben. You are strong. Channel it."

"Not like that. I'm done living in the dark," he growled.

"No, you're not. There are two sides to the force. Both are essential, or have you forgotten what we learned on Ahch-To?" she said pulling him up and getting back into a beginning stance. "Your force use is dark with a little light. Mine is light with a little dark," she continued as she took the attack position, advancing on him. "For you, to turn completely away from darkness is to turn away from the Force itself."

Ben stumbled a bit, and Rey caught him by the elbow before he fell completely to the ground. "I won't. I'll hurt you. I've hurt you before. I won't do it again," he hissed.

"As you are now, you couldn't hurt a porg if you tried. There are still battles to fight. Hux is still out there, hell-bent on destroying you, me, and anything else that challenges him in the slightest. We have to be ready."

He said nothing, opting to glower at her. His feelings of guilt lapped at her mind as his eyes looked at a scar on her arm that had been earned during one of their encounters.

"Let that part of the past die, Ben. I forgive you for hurting me. Physically, emotionally, whatever. Chances are, you will hurt me again. I'll hurt you. We'll have to work at it, but I think that's how it's supposed to be," she thought about the stories she had heard about Leia and Han for a moment.

"Besides, what if I get in trouble? What if I need your help and you can't help me?" she asked, knowing that that would get a response. She didn't fancy herself to be the type to need rescuing, but they had had each other's backs in the past. She imagined that they would need to fight like that again in the future. "What if Hux gets to me?"

Ben eyes darkened and he growled in response. "He will never. I won't allow it."

She nodded once in response and poked him in the chest with her staff. "Again."

This time, Ben was in the attack position. She initially countered easily and sent her smugness and disappointment through the bond. She reminded him of the throne room when Snoke had tortured her and how he found it in him to end it. A snarl appeared on his face and his attacks picked up in intensity and speed, forcing her backward. Rey tripped backward and fell on to her back. His eyes were hard and dark when pressed the end of his baton into her chest enough to hurt.

"Much better," she said, catching her breath.

Chest heaving, Ben tossed his weapon aside and turned away, running his hands through his hair. He started pacing, his eyes wild. Rey rose to her feet slowly and reached out to his mind. She found fear, exhaustion, anger.

"Ben," she said carefully. "Talk to me."

There was a pause before he said, "The darkness is too intoxicating. I can't succumb to it totally again."

"You won't. You just have to relearn to control it," she said softly, taking his hand from his hair, anchoring him to her. "Meditate with me?"

"In a minute," he said, his breath still uneven.

He wrapped his arms around her tightly and pressed a kiss to her forehead, trying desperately to calm the storm that was raging within him. Her arms wound around his waist, tracing gentle patterns on his back. The feeling of being torn apart was diminished when she held him together like this.


	18. Chapter 18

They had only been training for a week, but both of them were absolutely exhausted. This was especially true for Ben who had been fighting the psychological battle again. He was finding it difficult to control the darkness that he had been neglecting while he healed. Rey was worried. Ben had been withdrawing from her, censoring his thoughts carefully and not creeping through her side of the bond.

On her way back from the fresher, she stopped by the med bay to pick up some bacta and some ice for their training worn bodies. She offered him a pack of ice, which he accepted with an appreciative nod, and pressed her own to a sore elbow. They sat in her room in silence. He sat on the extra cot and place the ice on the back of his neck. She lowered herself on what had become their bed.

"I'm worried about you," she said, not looking directly at him, afraid that a direct confrontation would cause him to shut her out even more.

"I know." He had been sensing that. As best as he could, he had been gently keeping his side of the bond quiet on the subject to try and alleviate her worry. Obviously, that hadn't worked.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" she asked, trying to not sound as desperate as she felt. Things had been strange between them. She longed for the openness they had shared on Ahch-To before the assassination attempt.

"Just keep training with me, I guess," he sighed.

"You're afraid that you won't be as strong as you once were. You really are improving though. I'm sorry that the physical healing has not been as quick as you would like, but you've had a lot to recover from."

He nodded, shifting his ice from his neck to his shoulder. That was true, but there was more. He didn't even know how to explain how he had been feeling.

"It's not just your physical rehab that's worrying you," she said, realizing her oversight. "it's your strength in the Force."

He looked into her eyes and nodded slowly, his eyes softening a bit in response to her concerned expression. "I've always been strong with the force. I've always pushed myself for more power, more discipline. Even as I push myself, I can't find the same success in the light. The darkness calls to me, but I- I don't want to be like I was before," he finished softly.

"You won't go back there. I promise. You have me," she said earnestly.

"I know," he said softly.

She sighed and moved to sit next to him. "Dark doesn't have to mean bad. 'Dark side' is just some term that someone came up with to try to distinguish the two sides to the force."

"I've seen bad, Rey. It's usually dark."

"But you aren't bad," she retorted.

He scoffed. "Do you forget my past so easily?"

She paused. "No… but that was at a time when you were actively fighting the light instead of accepting both aspects of yourself. When you were chasing the legacy of a man who managed to lose all of the light within him."

He was quiet, but she could feel the storm brewing within him. She took his hand and kissed his knuckles before lacing her fingers with his. Suddenly, she felt very small.

"Do you still love me?" she asked so quietly he wasn't sure if she said it out loud.

He shifted, opening his body to her as they sat together. He lifted their intertwined hands and kissed the back of her hand before settling them on his chest. "Of course, I do," he whispered, his brow furrowed. "Why?"

She shrugged, still looking down. "You've been distant. The bond has been more guarded. I know that you've been having a hard time… I wondered if you regretted this."

He pulled her across his lap, cradling her against his chest and kissing her forehead. "I have many regrets, my scavenger. You are not one of them."

She leaned into his chest. "Then let me in. Let me help you."

"I'm still learning how," he said softly. "I need you to be patient with me. I've never been with someone like this before. It doesn't exactly come naturally to me."

"I've never either," she said softly.

"Things seem to come extremely naturally for you, scavenger," he half-chuckled

She sighed. "Okay. Whatever you need. Just don't shut me out. It's not like we've had an easy start. Most… couples," she said, experimenting with what to call their relationship. "Probably don't start out as enemies, then immediately face a life-threatening situation when their love has barely had a chance to grow from a spark."

He chuckled softly, a warm, low sound that vibrated against her. "I think that we are certainly unique."

He leaned down and kissed her lips tenderly. They exchanged kisses for a while, letting the rest of the world fade out around them. Wrapped in each other, it was like they were the only two in existence and their young love was all that they needed to sustain themselves. No training, no Force, no existential crises, just Rey and Ben.

Rey yawned, breaking their reverie. Ben planted a kiss on the tip of her nose and picked her up bridal style, gently lowering her onto their bed. He crawled in next to her, and they intertwined themselves, as had become their custom, before falling asleep.

While Rey's sleep was restful, Ben dreamed. He was back on Ahch-To in the obsidian cave. Before him, the vision he had begins to replay. Again, the reflection of himself turned into an image of him fighting off faceless assailants in a show of raw rage. Behind him, Rey lightsaber cuts down enemies to his back.

 _The Force requires balance_ , the darkness hisses.

The vision shows her, unrestrained and raw, fighting for both of their lives. This time though, Ben felt unable to draw upon his source of power. He hesitated in his attack, and the last assailant capitalized. Rey was stabbed through the gut. She crumbled to the ground.

"REY!"

He felt the piercing blow as if it was his own. He killed the culprit and rushes to her. He cradled her in his arms as her cold, dead eyes pierced through him.

"No!" he cried out in agony. "Rey, I-I can't. I wasn't strong enough. I'm NOT strong enough. Please."

 _"Ben!"_

He barely heard her through his own cries. The Rey in his arms crumbled away like sand.

" _Ben, wake up!"_

His eyes fluttered open. He was on the ground in their room, curled into a ball on his knees, his hands clutching his face, the metal one making indentations on his face. His chest was heaving like he was fighting for air. He registered then that Rey was wrapped around him, trying desperately to soothe him. He lifted his head a little and took Rey in his arms, crushing her against him. His tears darkened her hair.

"Shhh," soothed Rey softly. "I'm here." She pressed her lips wherever she could reach confined in his tight embrace and rubbed small circles onto his chest with her fingertips. "It was just a dream."

Was it a dream or was it a vision? Whichever it was, Ben resolved that he needed to be ready.


	19. Chapter 19

They laid back in bed after Ben's breathing was even again. He held her tighter than usual and she slowly drifted asleep. Ben didn't sleep though. He was far too afraid that he would close his eyes again to see her lifeless body in his arms. Instead, he started to formulate a plan.

Protecting Rey meant that he needed to be the strongest, most powerful version of himself. His power had always come from the dark side of the force. He had been afraid to court the dark for fear of becoming who he was. For fear of becoming like Snoke. His approval had always come at a cost. He had been constantly manipulated by his former Master. On Ahch-To, his love for Rey had become unconditional. He didn't want the dark to taint this relationship in any way.

Now, it was clear that his love for her was greater than his fear of the dark side. He knew that she would be his anchor and his guide. Nonetheless, he found it difficult to draw from the darkness here, even when Rey pushed him that direction during his training. If he were to re-center himself closer to the dark side of the Force quickly, as he was beginning to see as a necessity, he would need to find a place marked by darkness.

He knew of just the place, but he couldn't take Rey with him. Not without putting her at risk. The idea of leaving her side felt wrong, but he didn't know what else to do. She was safe here, for now. He begrudgingly trusted her friends. At least enough to leave for a few days. She would never allow it if she knew what he was planning to do, so he wouldn't tell her. He would need a ship though…

OOO

The next day, they only trained in the morning. They were both tired from interrupted sleep. Rey had plans to have lunch with Finn and Rose. Ben didn't usually join them for these gatherings, so he wasn't missed when he left her room to seek out General Dameron. Ben knocked on the frame of the open door of his office. Poe looked up at him, frowned, but nodded his permission to come into the room. Ben closed the door and the general tensed.

"I come in peace," Ben said, raising his hands.

"What do you need?" Poe asked gruffly, his hand settling on the blaster on his hip.

"I thought about what you said about the Knights of Ren. I would like permission to go talk with them."

Poe sat back and looked at Ben, searching his face. "Do you know where they are?"

"I have an idea," Ben said. "Mustafar."

"Isn't that a First Order controlled area?"

Ben paused. "Yes and no. Historically, the planet has been loyal to those aligned with the dark side of the force. The planet was entrusted to me by Snoke. I know that the lava industry helps to support the Order, but the place I'm going has been long abandoned."

"The place you're going if I allow it."

Ben bit back a sharper response. "Right."

"You want to go to Vader's castle?" Poe said, more a statement than a question.

"Indeed. That's where I'm most likely to find them."

"Rey can't go with you. She's too valuable to put at that kind of risk."

"I don't want her to go," Ben said, perhaps too quickly. "She's safer here."

Poe considered that. "She doesn't know, does she?"

Ben shook his head. "She would never allow me to go without her if she did."

"You're right. She's going to be furious."

"So, I have your permission?"

Poe nodded. "I'll get you an unmarked ship and a droid. You'll need room for passengers, yes?"

"Hopefully."

"Okay, Benny Boy, you fly out tomorrow morning. If I were you, I'd be up before Rey. If you find your knights, I'll expect communication from you. The droid will have the communication details."

"Thank you, General," he said curtly, biting back a grimace at the unwelcome nickname.

Poe gave a nod of dismissal. "I'll take care of her while you're away. There are a lot of people around here that care deeply for her. Don't break her heart though. If you disappear, it will be my personal mission to destroy you."

Ben smirked. "Noted."

With that, Ben let himself out of the office and hurried to the fresher as to not raise Rey's suspicions. When he made it back to the room, still wet from the fresher, she was meditating near the floor and his lunch was waiting for him on the extra cot. He couldn't help but stare. She was beautiful like this, face serene and body hovering slightly over the ground. A smile spread across her face as she sensed his presence, making his breath catch in this throat a bit. He guarded his thoughts carefully as he wondered how he was ever going to leave her.

He kneeled before her and kissed her cheek, her eyes still closed. He felt her body glide to the floor as she kissed his lips tenderly, their smiles breaking off the kiss.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, caressing his cheek.

He leaned into her touch. "Okay," he responded softly. "I'm sorry about last night."

"It's okay," she said, kissing his nose.

They broke apart so Ben could eat his lunch. Rey stretched herself out on their bed and watched him eat. "I think we should take a break from training. We're both drained."

He nodded in agreement. He finished his bite and swallowed. "I was wondering if you could take me to see where my mother rests."

Rey sat up slowly and studied his face. "Of course. But, why now?"

"I've put it off long enough," he said.

That was true, he thought, guarding himself carefully. The prospect of leaving Rey in order to pursue something that he needed to in order to help her had painfully reminded him of his mother. As a child, Ben had been left behind more times than she could count while she involved herself in politics. She had been hoping for a better future for the galaxy, but most especially her son. This situation was different, of course, but for the first time, he could sympathize with Leia's choices.

Lost in thought, his bottom lip quivered. Rey was next to him in an instant, wrapping an arm around his back and rubbing his shoulder with an open palm. "Finish your lunch and we'll go," she promised softly.

He quickly swallowed down a few bites and stood, reaching for Rey's hand. "Lead the way."

They walked in silence, taking in the sights and sounds of a forest, teaming with life and with death. The Force whispered against their skin, surrounding them with a dance of light and dark, peace and emotion. It was unusually palpable. Ben squeezed Rey's hand.

"I feel it too," she whispered, her full voice feeling too loud.

The Force danced with more urgency, nearly pushing the air away from them as they drew near the resting place of Leia. The grave was modest, situated at an edge of the forest. If you hadn't known it was there, it would have been easily overlooked. The once overturned earth was settled, grass growing over it. There was a large, half-moss covered boulder serving as a headstone. It was surrounded by growing flower buds that were not yet ready to bloom.

Ben kneeled before the large grey rock. "Tialga Has Fallen," he read in a whisper, his fingers tracing over the crudely carved lettering.

Rey stood a little behind him, giving him time. "That was Poe's doing. He told me that it was an Alderaanian song that Leia would often hum to herself."

Ben nodded, humming a few lines in his deep baritone. Rey held her breath at the sound. " _My beautiful, broken thing,"_ she thought.

Staying on his knees, he reached a hand out to her. She stepped closer to him, her hip grazing the back of his shoulder. He kissed her hand and placed it on his shoulder.

"Fitting," he whispered. "Did Poe tell you anything else about the song?"

"No. He had a difficult enough time explaining that much that day," she responded quietly, her hand running through his raven hair comfortingly.

"The song is about a warrior-queen who makes a stand against impossible odds so her children can reach safe haven," he explained, his words catching in his throat as he extended the palm of his flesh hand over the stone.

"She was successful in that, you know," Rey said, both hands coming to rest on his shoulders. "Leia, I mean."

"Time and time again," he said in agreement, the tears tracking down his face freely.

"Even in the act of dying, Ben," Rey whispered, kneeling behind him and wrapping her arms around his torso. "She helped bring us together."

"She did, didn't she?" He took one of Rey's hands and placed it over his heart.

" _Mother, I know what I have to do_ ," Ben thought. " _I need your help, I'm not strong enough to face it alone._ "

Rey heard his thought, of course, but didn't think that now was the time to ask about it. He would tell her in time. Ben let out a little gasp.

"Ben?"

"The buds, they're opening."

Rey stood up to see the tiny buds bursting into full white, blue, and purple blooms. She stepped in front of Ben and crouched down, reaching out her fingers as if to touch one. Awe filled them both.

"She's with you," Rey said softly, turning to wipe the steady stream of tears from Ben's cheeks.

He pulled her close. "With us, I think."

A bird nearby chirped as if in agreement, making them both smile.

They sat like that for a while, basking in the Force, Leia, and the warmth of each other until the sky changed color, signaling the approach of darkness. They walked back together, hand in hand. Their hearts felt heavy, but their spirits were light. That night, for the first time since they had spent what was supposed to their last together, they gave themselves to one another before succumbing to exhaustion and falling asleep intertwined.

In the morning, Ben would carefully untangle himself from her and kiss her forehead before meeting Poe in the airlift.


	20. Chapter 20

It is still dark when Ben meets Poe in the airlift. They greet one another with matching curt nods as Poe tosses Ben a pack. 

"That's a week and a half's worth of portions, some first aid equipment, a blaster, and some extra clothes. I found a few extra things lying around that might fit you." 

Ben hadn't packed anything to avoid raising Rey's suspicions. He had simply dressed in the dark red robes that Rose had found for him, grabbed his saber from under his cot, and creeped out the door. Poe's foresight was appreciated. 

"Also, I would like you to meet BB-6, your companion for the journey," Poe said, waving a hand towards an older, blue and gold BB unit, which beeped a timid greeting to Ben. "She has all of the radio information you will need and she is a great co-pilot. Old girl has seen some things and is a wealth of knowledge. Be good to her." 

"Thank you, General. What ship will I be taking?" Ben asked, wanting to speed up their interaction. He was afraid that Rey would wake to find him missing or he would lose his resolve and go back to her. 

"You'll be taking the ship that is already stationed for take-off. It's kind of pieced-together junker, but it will do for this purpose. It doesn't look like much on the outside, but it purrs like a kitten and runs like a fathier." 

He looked over the ship and hoped that Poe was right. 

"May the Force be with you," said Poe a little awkwardly, extending a hand to Ben. 

Ben was surprised by the gesture, but he took the man's hand and shook it firmly. "Thank you, sir." Ben thought of his mother's gravestone for a moment. "And thank you for loving and fighting for our Tialga." 

Poe's eyebrows rose in surprise. "It was the honor of my life," he said, his voice a little raspy. He cleared his throat as Ben turned to go. "I meant what I said about Rey. You break her heart, and you're done for!" 

Ben chuckled at that, taking Poe by surprise yet again. "I would expect nothing less. Good luck breaking the news to her, General." 

Poe barked a laugh. "Perhaps my most dangerous mission to date!"

OOO 

Ben felt Rey wake just as he left the atmosphere of Dantooine. He decided it best to close the bond off for now. According to BB-6, the journey to Mustafar would take several hours. He thought that some meditation would help calm his nerves a bit. He was worried about Rey. She was going to be angry, especially after the day they had shared before. He could only hope that she would find it in her to forgive him. For his part, he would try to make her understand, though he knew from experience that that was not always the easiest task. 

He was also worried about Mustafar. He believed that his mother was with him, somehow. She would do her part to keep him from falling into total darkness. Not only was Mustafar the site of Darth Vader's castle, but beneath its surface, it was said that a locus for the Dark side of the Force rested. His mother, or the Force, he found it hard to tell after visiting her yesterday, seemed to understand that he needed to go. 

He sat on the floor and quieted his mind, as Rey had taught him to. He was just beginning to find the peaceful drift of the force when he felt a firm blow to the gut, knocking the wind out of him. His eyes flew open, looking for the culprit. In front of him stood a very angry Rey, armed with her quarterstaff. He scrambled to his feet and extended his metallic hand. 

"Rey, I'm so-"

"I can't believe that you let Poe talk you into a mission without me!" there were angry tears in her eyes. Ben longed to take her in his arms, but he knew that would be risky right now.

Ben's eyes widened in surprise. He hadn't told her that it was his idea in the first place?

"Wait, this was YOUR idea?" she roared. "I'm going to kill Poe for lying. Why is he trying to protect you?"

"I don't know. But yes, my idea, please, let me try to expla-"

"Poe told me that you're going to try to find the Knights of Ren."

Ben was quiet for a moment. "That's what I told Poe, yes."

"So that's not why you're going."

"Not exactly, they may be there, but I have no idea" he reached out to her. "It will be easier if I show you."

She rolled her eyes, but reached out and took his hand. He showed her how he felt vulnerable and unstable with the Force because the light and dark were not working in harmony within him, his acceptance that the dark side should be the side of the force where he draws most of his power because of who he is, the details of his nightmare…

She shakes her head and drops his hand, breaking their shared trance. "Why didn't you talk to me about this?" she asked, still sounding angry.

"I wasn't sure how. I started to, but I wasn't sure that you would understand or accept me as a true darksider."

She rolled her eyes again. "I loved you when you were still parading about as Kylo Ren. I know that the dark side of the force is your more natural weapon. I thought that I've told you that I don't think that dark equals bad all of the time," she was sounding more hurt than angry now. "Did you think I was lying when I told that?"

He was quiet, seeing how he might have been wrong. "I also was afraid to bring you with me. You're safe there."

She violently tossed her quarterstaff to the ground. "Have I not shown you that I am strong and more than capable of carrying my own weight?"

"You have, I just don't want you to have to. Not this time. Not for me," he said sharply, his anger rising.

"Next time, give me the choice!"

"Rey, you wouldn't have let me go alone no matter what," he snapped.

Her face hardened, but she looked away, knowing that he was right. "Leia is with you, at least. Right? I heard you ask for her help yesterday."

He nodded and sighed. "I don't know how, but I know that she is. Or she's sent extra force or something."

"I'm not sure that's how the force works, but fine," she huffed. "but you better come back to me as soon as you find what you're looking for."

"Of course, my little scavenger. With you is where I belong."

She stepped closer to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest. "Mustafar doesn't sound like a very nice place."

"I don't think you would care for it much, no," he responded, hugging her tight.

"What if the Knights are there? Will you be in danger?"

Ben mulled this over in his head a bit. "I don't think so. Hux never cared much for the Knights. His father believed that the First Order needed to fight both with armies and with force sensitives and guerilla warfare like the Rebels, but Hux had his father killed later. I get the impression that they didn't much agree. If the Knights are there and they have no loyalty to Hux, I'll ask them to join me, but I won't make them, Rey. The Knights may not even be there. We only met there from time to time."

Rey felt uneasy about the whole situation, but she simply nodded in response. "You'll keep me posted though, yeah?"

"Of course." He kissed the top of her head.

"Real is better," Rey whispered disappointedly.

"I agree fully," Ben said softly. "I'll be back with you soon. I'm sorry for leaving the way that I did."

"I'm not sure that you are," she retorted, still hanging on to her anger. "I'm still angry, but we did have a really good day yesterday."

"The best we've had on Dantooine," he said in agreement.

She kissed a mark that she had left on his neck the night before. "Agreed."

With that, she was gone and Ben was alone, left holding on to air.


End file.
